Hello, my name is Emily and I am a codependent. There I admitted it. I am usually a glass-half-full kind of person. Life is hard enough so why be all doom and gloom is my philosophy. But sometimes, well all my ideology, faith and confidence seems to go out the window.
When it comes to my children, I put way too much of my own happiness in their success and happiness. If they fail, wether big or small I sometimes get in this really bad cycle where I feel like I failed. 'What did I do wrong? I shouldn't be a mom.' Thoughts like that circle through my head. When I am in this dark place I realize it, but sometimes I allow it and I don't want out. I want to throw myself a pity party for a while, whoa is me!
This weekend I allowed myself to throw not one but two of these parties for myself. These aren't fun parties, no balloons or cakes here.. and I really don't like it... so why do I allow this.
We all have our struggles... there are challenges we will all face; but it is what we choose to do with these trials that will affect our ultimate happiness. So today, this week I am starting over again. How? I am turning it all over to the Lord. I CANNOT do it, only He can.
My husband left me a wonderful note this morning with a reference to Mark 9:14-29 in the New Testament. These scriptures tell of a man whose son was possessed by an evil spirit, the man brought his son to the Lord to be healed. Jesus told him "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him who believeth." To which the man replied "Lord I believe; help thou mine unbelief."
So today, I am starting over. I am turning it over and trusting that things will work out how they are supposed to. It might not be how I want, but it will be what is right. And you know, I will be a good mom and a good person no matter what happens.