Tuesday, June 7, 2011

What We Fight About

Saturday Eric and I were able to get out for several hours when we went on a dinner boat cruise for his work party. The boat slowly traveled around Newport harbor while we ate dinner, visited and played a few games, including the Newlywed Game.
Eric and I were one of the couples chosen to play. We sat back to back paper and marker in hand ready to to win this thing. And we did! We remembered the location of our first kiss (the back seat of a friends car), I knew his childhood nickname, and pretty much every other question they asked.
Enjoying the sunset from the boat

And then they asked a doosey- what was your very first fight and your last fight. I hesitated for a moment and then quickly wrote down my answer- we don't fight. And Eric's answer- well it matched mine.

"Yea, right!" people said- "How long have you been married?"
"Ten years next week." I replied.
"And you have kids?"

No one really believed it, but what mattered at the time was that we had both wrote the same thing and won the game.

Now we hadn't conspired, we weren't cheating, in fact there was a lot of truth to our statement. Now before you all go hating-we have had hard times in our marriage- times that might have ended other couples' relationships. But even in those years, I never once yelled at Eric and he never yelled at me. Later when people were asking us about it- I said it is because Eric is so easy going and good to me.

Sunday evening Eric commented that he was almost out of underwear, you know it is time to do laundry when the underwear runs out.
"Okay, I promise I will wash some tomorrow" I said

Monday night rolls around- we were up late watching the earlier broadcast of latest Apple products announcement. We head up to bed and begin brushing our teeth, Eric turns on the shower (he leaves for work at 5:00 AM so showers the night before)

"Oh no" I gasp, then remembering the underwear- the underwear I had started in the wash, but never put in the dryer. "The underwear is in the washer still-I forgot to put it in the dryer."

I felt bad- I had promised. Eric works hard so that I can be home with the kids so those little things like the laundry are a given for me to be able to do.

And here is how Eric responded.
"Well you did just promise to wash them, you didn't say anything about drying them."

Where this could have turned into him being upset about me not doing what I said, about not doing more around the house, instead he just let it go. He didn't make a mountain out of a molehill to be totally cliche.

And this is why we can both say that yes, after almost ten years of marriage we don't fight.

What little things do you do to strengthen your relationships in life?


  1. I LOVED this post, Emily. I am so happy from it. It made me want to be a better marriage partner to my husband. Contention is never the answer to anything. Thank you and bless you forever!

  2. This post made me so happy!!! I'm so glad you have a rock-solie marriage.
    One thing that Joel & I do is when things start to get heated, we remind each other that we're on the same team - we're working for the same goal. It helps us to keep perspective and to not allow the little things to become bigger than they need to be.

  3. I can totally hear him saying that! hahaha. He is a good guy. And I am glad you two got to go on that cruise before all the craziness begins.

  4. Oops, I mean *solid* marriage :)

  5. These are my favorite kinds of posts, I just loved it!! The dinner cruise sounds like it was fun too! Bless Eric's heart, I should try and be like that more often!!

  6. What a cute picture of the two of you!

    Jdaddy and I really don't fight. I can't remember ever yelling at him over anything. I might tell him he's being unreasonable and cry. Those things I consider a fight...but not really a fight compared to other people.

    I'm glad you have such a strong marriage!

  7. Impressive! My husband and I do fight from time to time, but we always try to keep each other in check by not freaking out over the small things...like udnerwear. We also always fight calm and fair, or at least that's how I fight and refuse to talk to my husband until he calms down, he tends to be more passionate than I am about things. :)

    Glad you are so happily married, it's a gift!

  8. Ha. I'm so happy for you. That is super impressive.

    I'm not sure you could class either MacGyver or me as "easygoing" so maybe that's why we do have the occasional fight. Fortunately we're still able to keep things in perspective and we're pretty quick to move on to the making up portion of things . . .

  9. Haha, that's awesome! Love his answer about not promising to dry them.

  10. A sense of humor goes a long way, no?

    I love that he said that... too funny!

    And I can chalk our marital success up to my husband's easy-going nature too! :)

  11. Jeff and I are like this too. We really don't get upset about the little things and rarely fight.

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  13. This post is sweet and so honest! Love to see that there are couples out there that are like this with one another!

  14. I love his answer. I have been known to forget laundry in the washer too.

  15. I'm the easy going on, I think... so if my husband is the one to get upset, I'm the one who just let's it roll off my back.

    We rarely get really upset at each other, but I wouldn't say that we 'never' fight :)

  16. I love how understanding you both are to each other. That's wonderful. :)

    I don't really fight, but I get mad and brood and refuse to communicate.

  17. Wow - that is wonderful... you are lucky to have someone who care for you.

  18. That's awesome that you and your hubby don't fight. My husband and I don't really fight either. Occasionally we bicker a little bit, or I nag him when he's procrastinating, but we don't yell, scream, or swear at each other. We don't hit below the belt, I guess you could say. I think one of the things that determines the health of a marriage is how the couple fights. In general, fights aren't necessarily bad. But fighting dirty is a detriment to the relationship. Congratulations on having a great marriage! P.S. My hubby's name is Eric too.

  19. Oh my gosh! I love this!!! I really do! My husband recently told me he was taking over the laundry duty and I got upset...I should have just taken it as the joke he meant it to be.

  20. Wow!! I'm amazed and impressed and, to be honest, a bit jealous. I don't think my husband would be so understandin and cool like that.

  21. How cute! I know this will sound weird, but my hubby and I often sit and wonder if there are other couple like us out there.... ones that don't fight! We feel so strange when people talk about all the fights they have had then turn to us and we just kinda laugh. Why fight? How can I possibly fight with him? Glad you have a great man in your life, I know just how grateful I am for mine!

    Hmmm what do we do to strengthen out relationship.... I would say we play games. We like to play games even though neither on of us is competitive at all. It always makes us laugh. We all know, laughter is the best medicine for everything!

  22. What a great way for him to respond! ElRey and I aren't fighters either. Sure we get irritated with each other but rarely does it blow up into something big.

  23. What a wonderful perspective you have! "Eric works hard so that I can be home with the kids so those little things like the laundry are a given for me to be able to do."
    I think having that perspective is also a huge reason for the fact that you don't fight. We do, and I wish we didn't. We are so different, and it has taken us a long time to get to where we are now. We rarely fight now, but we still do on occasion. My goal is to not fight at all. Like you.

  24. What a great post! And so awesome you were able to get out together!!!

  25. I agree with Jenners, I don't think my hubby would be so understanding. He wouldn't yell or anything, I just don't think he'd let it roll off so easily without some irritated comment. But we don't fight that often, anymore. We just get frustrated with each other from time to time. Things used to get more heated before the kids, but we've mellowed with age and we definitely don't want to fight in front of them, either.

  26. We have also never yelled at each other. I feel like those first few years are so formative and if you can make some good habits and stay consistent then it's a lot easier when you add kids and jobs into the mix. The first time I can remember needing to compromise was when we had been marreied about 6 months. We ended by him agreeing to soak the dishes (bc I don't mind rinsin and putting things into the dishwasher, but I had wasting time scrubbing) and he wanted me to make the bed. So he still soaks his oatmeal cup and I still make the bed:) ta da! Compromise and communication. That's how we do it.