Last night around 6:00 PM Eric and I pulled into his parents driveway. I was showered, dressed and part of the outside world once again.. And really it truly did feel like I was coming back from some out of earth or at least out of body experience. I remember after having Alex how it felt so weird that she was now part of our family, and this feeling is ten-fold now, especially since we left the hospital without Ryder.
It was so good to be back with the kids. I helped brush their teeth and read them both a story. It was nice. They both have done so good with everything going on, but it is hard too. Today Lucas said "I want to go home". And I wish I could too... I wish it was possible for us all to just be back home together...but that is not reality now. Lucas has always been a child that has thrived on routine so I know as well as he often seems to be adjusting and dealing he is probably just going crazy inside.
Last night after the kids were in bed, Eric, his mom and I headed back to the NICU for Ryder's care. When the day began I almost felt like I did not know what to do in the NICU, but by this care I felt like we could both jump right in and do it. I was amazed and so happy with how quickly that transformation came as before I had just felt over my head like I was a clueless parent.
Today the kids came for their second visit. I held Ryder while the kids touched his head and looked at him. While they were visiting he woke up and opened his eyes more than he ever has. He truly seemed to be looking at his brother and sister trying to see who they were. It was awesome. Lucas kept saying Ryder was the cutesy baby ever. And Alex said, 'he likes me. He is so soft' and other things like that. Lucas was fascinated by his heart rate and kept naming off what it currently was.
Today I am going to spend the rest of the day with the kids as they really do need it and I do too... But tonight I will be back with Ryder again.
Here is a pic from today's visit. It was just taken with Eric's phone.. And well I haven't fixed the red eye yet.. But it's a picture