Thursday, June 3, 2010

An Old Dog

To my precious Ryder-

I have done it before. I have brought two babies home from the hospital and managed to care for them, feed them and even make them pretty good kids...well most days at least.

So why does it feel so different this time. I feel like I need to take your temperature every three hours, and wash your mouth and get you weighed every night. That has been what we have done for the last 19 days.

I miss looking at the monitor to see that your heart is beating so well and you are breathing like a champ. I hear the noise of the different NICU alarms going off in my head constantly...but they aren't there anymore.

Now I can hear the noise of cars going by on the road through the open window. I can hear your sighs and grunts...but no monitors.

Yesterday was the first day in your life that I saw you without wires... Do you know how much easier it is to dress you without those?

I can hold you in my arms as much as I want to. I can change your outfit 10 times a day just because I can..though I don't...we don't have that many outfits here. I can't believe how perfect you are.

I feel confident and yet so scared. You are so small... You weren't supposed to be here for another 5 weeks still. But you are here. And I hold you and look at your little face, and touch your little hand and it is good. All is well.

You are going to make it. I am going to make it. Thank you for being so strong. Thank you for being able to come home with me. Thank you for letting me be your mother.

19 comments:

  1. truly, he is blessed to have a mom like you.

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  2. Yeah! He's home. Well, not home, but not the hospital either. You are a wonderful mommy and your instincts will kick in again soon. He is obviously a superior baby, so you don't need to worry. If you had a regular old baby, then maybe, but is obviously superior.

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  3. So Excited that he is "home" with you. Soon you all will be home. And life will find a new normal. Enjoy him.

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  4. Aw, how sweet! :) I'm so happy for you and your little family, Emmy! Ryder is very lucky to have you!

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  5. I can't even imagine what that must be like! I am so glad he's home with you and I hope the long drive home goes well!

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  6. Big sigh of relief! I am so happy for you and for little Ryder. How wonderful to finally have him home, and be able to cuddle him as much as you want. I hope the drive goes well.

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  7. I am so happy that he has made it out of the hospital. Yes he is very tiny. It's very different. But he will grow and super fast. Take lots and lots of pictures to show that growth. (Like you won't!)

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  8. This is so sweet, heartfelt and well written. Nice work.

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  10. Still praying for you! I'm so glad he's "home." Keep your chin up, you're doing a wonderful job :)

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  11. So sweet, Em. It made my heart smile, if ya know what I mean!

    I'm excited for you guys to be home, though I've gotten used to seeing you so much, that I think I'll miss you more than ever!

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  12. I'm so glad he's home with you, Emmy!!!!

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  13. I so know of what you speak. You can do it.

    And I am so glad that he is home. :)

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  14. You will find your new normal soon and forget all about the hospital!

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  15. I am with kneesandpaws he is truly blessed

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  16. Oh wow. I know exactly how you feel. As annoying as those wires and alarms are...they give you comfort.

    Try to trust in yourself and in God and know your sweet guy really will be ok.

    Many blessings.

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  17. I think the first time I really understood faith was when I brought my first baby home from the hospital and there weren't any machines making sure he was still breathing and doing all the things he was supposed to do. i found myself staring into his bed wondering how in the world i could just leave and go to sleep. It felt so scary. You're a good mom. I'm glad you're finally all home together. Good luck with your long trip home.

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  18. If there is any mother who can shine brightly as Ryder's mother, it is you!

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  19. i think the first few days/nights home are scary even if they aren't in the nicu;-)

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