I decide to change your diaper first. I unzip your pajama. You start to fuss, I put your paci in, you shake your head back and forth rejecting the paci, this isn't what you want. "I know, I know, just one minute." I unzip your pajama your legs go shooting out, stretching stretching. I touch your foot; so soft. Your little little foot, but your little foot that seems too big for your body. I wonder if you are going to grow into it... I wonder if being born prematurely will set back how big you would have been. I always used to joke that we would have another boy and he would be the one to get my height. Now I worry it may have happened. I get your new diaper back on and swaddle or taco you-as we like to call it. Daddy is much better at wrapping you up, he has the tightest most secure tacos I have ever seen.
You lay in my lap rooting around like a little bird. I'm feeling fairly rested as you actually slept for more than two hours straight. You begin eating. I look down at your little face, your little nose. Your hand is wiggling and moving, fighting against the blanket; finally it's free. You lift your hand in the air stretching out each finger-victorious! Then slowly your hand relaxes and it comes to rest on my chest. I look at each finger, so perfect and small. I put my finger in your hand and you quickly grab on so tightly like you are never going to let go. I hope you never do. I know it will go fast... I look at your brother and sister and can hardly remember our sleepless nights together.
"I love you little man" I whisper. I try to picture you older, but I can't... I have never been able to imagine my kids at an older age.. part of living in the here and now I guess. But for that moment I figure it is better not to picture it; I just want to enjoy. Enjoy your little cry, your little feet and hands, enjoy the sleep deprivation and all it's insanity.
See more great feet pictures over at Oswald's Cuties as part of Monday's Mugs.