Monday, July 12, 2010

Little Feet

3:30 AM the clock glows. "All right little man", I say while picking up Ryder. He is ready to eat... again. I move my pillow up against the headboard to lean against.

I decide to change your diaper first. I unzip your pajama. You start to fuss, I put your paci in, you shake your head back and forth rejecting the paci, this isn't what you want. "I know, I know, just one minute." I unzip your pajama your legs go shooting out, stretching stretching. I touch your foot; so soft. Your little little foot, but your little foot that seems too big for your body. I wonder if you are going to grow into it... I wonder if being born prematurely will set back how big you would have been. I always used to joke that we would have another boy and he would be the one to get my height. Now I worry it may have happened. I get your new diaper back on and swaddle or taco you-as we like to call it. Daddy is much better at wrapping you up, he has the tightest most secure tacos I have ever seen.

You lay in my lap rooting around like a little bird. I'm feeling fairly rested as you actually slept for more than two hours straight. You begin eating. I look down at your little face, your little nose. Your hand is wiggling and moving, fighting against the blanket; finally it's free. You lift your hand in the air stretching out each finger-victorious! Then slowly your hand relaxes and it comes to rest on my chest. I look at each finger, so perfect and small. I put my finger in your hand and you quickly grab on so tightly like you are never going to let go. I hope you never do. I know it will go fast... I look at your brother and sister and can hardly remember our sleepless nights together.

"I love you little man" I whisper. I try to picture you older, but I can't... I have never been able to imagine my kids at an older age.. part of living in the here and now I guess. But for that moment I figure it is better not to picture it; I just want to enjoy. Enjoy your little cry, your little feet and hands, enjoy the sleep deprivation and all it's insanity.

Because I know it will be all too soon and your feet will go from this...to this.
Stay little, Little Man. I want to enjoy it.

See more great feet pictures over at Oswald's Cuties as part of Monday's Mugs.

20 comments:

  1. Awww honey that is so sweeet! I love the story and the shot! Wow girl. I so remember those times...honestly I am glad to be done with that part..but love hearing about it all! Sweet little toes!
    Hugs, Sarah

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  2. Time is fleeting, but it's very clear to see that you are thoroughly enjoying those little feet while you have them.

    Touching and wonderful post.

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  3. That was just too sweet, you're making me want another one. . . ;)

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  4. Beautifully written post and love those adorable little tootsies!!

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  5. I wish they would just listen to us and SLOW IT DOWN! I know I've said this before but i really miss nursing! I LOVED when Daisy would hold my hand while I nursed her! Sometimes she would try to hold my hand with her foot! LOL
    That was a REALLY fantastic foot post!

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  6. what a great post! so so soooo true! I never was able to see Lula Mae as a bigger kid either, and I haven't even tried with Jayce! I just want to soak in these sweet moments! enjoy that little man!

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  7. My favorite picture of Avery is her tiny feet in my hand. His look tiny to me, but you think they are big. I guess I'm thinking of my biggest baby and his size twelves. Now that's big.

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  8. So beautiful...makes me miss the breastfeeding days.

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  9. My most favorite times with Ryan were when I nursed him. With Emily, I just don't remember much (sad but true) and with Kristin I was out of my mind. I am glad I was able to savor it more with Ry. You describe it beautifully.

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  10. I can't really relate to the breastfeeding days, but I will say this:

    My tacos were loose and sloppy. I was a failure as a father.

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  11. I have always loved nursing, even late at night.
    Enjoy the moment.

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  12. Ok, my friend, you are seriously giving me baby fever with this post! Oh how I miss those middle of the night nursings (but not the lack of sleep!), the little baby legs stretching out, and the little baby birth mouth. So well written!

    And I LOVE the pic of his baby feet, so precious!

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  13. *tear* Seriously, I know what you mean!

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  14. BEAUTIFULLY written my dear.

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  15. I just love this! I always loved breastfeeding. Well...once it wasn't my first one that is. That first kid, and the engorgement that accompanies it, is a doozy!

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  16. It is funny, with my first baby I was so excited for each milestone to be reached. Now I want to stop time because there isn't enough of it. And those tiny and not so tiny feet are darling!

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  17. It does all go by so fast! Love the pics!

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  18. I was up late, blog hopping and this made me cry. A lot. Hubby and I have been thinking about when to try for #2 and this just made me want another newborn soo much.

    You describe it so well. Such sweet, special time. All too fleeting. :(

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