Does he have any friends? I asked during the parent teacher conference.
Later I realized my question was never answered, somehow brushed aside the subject changed.
So that question still hung, plaguing my mind.
He would talk about the kids that were his friends in school but we never had any of them over. He never asked to have friends over.
He got invited to birthday parties, but so did the rest of the kids in his class.
He was oozing with kindness and compliments so most adults liked him-even several girls wrote him cute notes. But what about the boys?
Did he have any friends?
I watched him interact with the kids at the party. First fitting in, playing right along- but then he takes it a step too far- missing the social cues coming from the other kids.
I see them.
They are painfully obvious to me. My stomach tightens.
When he happens to look my way I gave him a look- 'just relax, step back' I try and say with my gaze.
He isn't doing anything to cause a scene and I am definitely not going to cause one myself.
But I ache. I ache for him and the cues he seems to miss, the shrugs of the shoulder, the eye rolls and boys turning away.
Ever golden, ever good, so ever confident it just glazes right over him. But maybe this is good- maybe he is safe. He is unaware, he is happy.
He knows who he is.
I just cry a little for him. Demons and memories from my own past shadowing my view.
Just trust. I tell myself. Trust-trust that it will all be okay. That he will forever be strong, be good, be above the glazes and glares of others as he knows who he is.
I love you my son.
Linking up today with Shell's Pour Your Heart Out (though her blog currently down)