If I have learned one thing in motherhood it is that you will never fully know what you are doing. As a first time mom you wonder if the baby is eating enough and how you will ever get them to sleep through the night. You anticipate each new stage, each new development telling yourself you won't compare to the others babies, then mentally kicking yourself when you do it once again.
When they begin walking and getting into things you wonder how you will ever be able to get your house clean again.
When they turn two (or three for my kids) you will wonder where you sweet baby went and who is this monster.
When they go off to school you will wonder if you have taught them enough, if they will make friends, if they will be okay.
As soon as you feel like you are getting it figured out, something will change.
If you throw a second child into the mix you will think 'I have done this before- I know what I am doing'. While the sleepless nights and diaper blowouts won't be a surprise anymore, there will still be new things, unexpected things- as each child is their own person and no one way works for everyone. You will barely notice their growth and milestones as you will be so busy trying to manage two.
By the time your third child comes along you will have come to terms with the fact that you will never have all the answers. With this knowledge you will also come to learn that it might just be okay to not always have the answers.
You will look at the sleepless nights as a chance to spend a little one-on-one time with that little baby who will be big too soon. You will laugh at the exploding diaper as you will know it will make a funny story to tell (okay you might not laugh in the moment).
There will be a new level of peace because you are beginning to come to terms with the fact that you don't have all the answers and you know what that is okay!
Life will be going along at what feels like a good pace and then something will always happen. Something that leaves you wondering, pausing, unsure what to do.
This is motherhood.
How have I figured out how to be a mom? By learning that I will never have all of the answers, I will never do it all just right, that I can never do it all. All I can ever do is love my children, try my best, continue to learn and grow right alongside my children, and learn to say I am sorry when I mess up.
This is motherhood.
It is totally worth it.