First let me say that yes, I know that anyone including my in-laws can read this and I don't mind one bit. They are coming tomorrow night and I am very excited, Lucas even more so he has woken up during the night the last couple of days asking if they are here yet.
I, from talking with those around me, seem to be one of the select few that truly does love her in-laws. What is it about in-laws that seem to set up problems for most? Does the spouse never truly measure up as no one is ever good enough for their child? Do they not like their parenting styles/their tastes? What is it? I must admit I have heard some pretty bad horror stories about in-laws so I know the bad ones do exist.
All I know is I love my in-laws. My father-in-law has it figured out pretty well. He likes to say, why would you not like your son/daughter in-laws? They are the one that is now married to your child and if you ever really want to see your child they had better like you.
And luckily in my family it goes both ways, my parents love Eric too.
I'm glad you have a good relationship with your in-laws. But then again, who wouldn't love your in-laws? I love them too! They're awesome!
ReplyDeleteI love your in-laws too. haha. And I love mine as well. It sure makes life easier, and nicer!
ReplyDeleteAhh...the in-laws.
ReplyDeleteWhy do so many people have problems with in-laws. Well, there are many reasons I have come to believe, I list the biggest below:
As you mentioned, no one is EVER good enough for your baby, so there is that.
There is also at time issues where a married child will complain about their spouse to thier parent's about how bad something is. Then the child returns home works it out and then everyone is happy, except the in-laws who never hear that things were worked out and still are made at the in-child for treating their child like that.
The biggest thing in my opinion is how a child is always a child to their parent's and many children revert back to being a child somewhat when in the prescence of their parent's. A couple meets, courts, fall in love and the entire time they see each other as adults. When you get together with parent's, your parents can tend to treat you as a child, but then how do they treat the in-child? As an adult, which is the only way they have known them, or as as a child, like they do their child who is the spouse?
When you go to your parent's house, it is their house and they are in charge, no real questions. When they come to your house, they are in in charge because they are your spouse's parent.
Wait, this is my house, even though they are my spouse's parent's, this is stil MY HOUSE! I pay the mortgage, I am an adult, why are they taking over! Why is my spouse letting them take over? Why do my in-laws opinions matter now, they came to my house and are telling me how to run things in MY HOUSE! I don't think so! I respect their authority in their house, why do they not do the same for me in mine?
I think that last one is the biggie, the whole parent's treat their kids like kids, even when they are an adult and now your kid has an adult they are coupled to and how do you treat that in-child, how does that in-child percieve that, etc.
An example that is similiar, one time when on vacation with my wife's family, my wife's siblings started treating each other like they were a bunch of teenagers again. Old battles were emerging, old behaviour patterns and my wife was getting the brunt of a lot of things. She took them out on me a bit because she was frustrated. When she left the room, her siblings, now seeing me as an ally in their old battles picking on my wife decided to enlist me on their side and said, how could you let her treat you like that?
What I wanted to say to all of them was you are turning my wife into a lunatic because you are acting like you are 12 years old and ganging up on my wife. Stop it right now or I will take each and everyone of you out back and law a beat down on you for being o cruel to my wife.
What I said was, "My relationship with my wife is none of your concern or buisness. The only relationship that you need to worry about is the relationship you have with your sister." I then left the room to go comfort my wife.
That is most of the problems with in-family. The newcomer to the family does not have the same relationship patrterns with the in-family as the family does. They are coming in as an outsider at times with a totally different view as the rest of the family.
You may see your spouse as the successful doctor, wonderful mother, HR director of the large company, etc. While your spouses family is aware of all of these things, the bulk of their relationship/interaction is derived from when they were kids together and most of their minds sees your spouse as the little kid that used to take my clothes in high school and never took me to the mall. Like my pervious example, if some guy off the street or in the store would have said some of the things to my wife that her siblings had said, I would have body checked them into the nearest wall and told them in no uncertain terms they were out of line. Coming from her siblings, part of me wants to defend her and rip them apart, but the other part of me knows, I can not step in as this is her brother or sister and that makes in-laws difficult.
Anyway, probably way more than you were looking for, but I felt like diatribing!! ;)
Wow, you have obviously given this some thought!
ReplyDeleteI never thought about the treating like child thing though, that seems to right though.