Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Life in the NICU

I enter the front doors of the women's and children's center. "Hello, heading back." I say to the front desk clerk. They know what I mean by those few simple words as I have now seen the front desk staff many times. The buzz me back into the maternity wing. I pass by the desk where I sat in a wheel chair that one Wednesday where Eric gave them our insurance information.

I head to the NICU, I push the button. "***** Mom here to see my baby." I say. The NICU staff all know me now too, but this is a formality and for securtity and you definitely can't be too safe with these little babies. "Good morning" I say then make some small talk while signing in.

I then head over to the sink. All jewelery off, grab the scrub brush and scrub and wash my hands and arms up to my elbows for three minutes, just like a surgeon. Srcub, scrub.. I need to remember to put lotion on my hands when I leave, they are starting to get raw. Eric has a system that he uses when he srubs in now, mine changes a little bit every time. All clean; head back to see my little guy.

I take his temperature, complete his oral care and change his diaper. He likes to poop while I am changing his diaper, seems to be his new favorite game, so I always make sure I have the new diaper already underneath just in case. Finally get him all changed and then it is my favorite time. I get to hold him and once a shift (every 12 hrs) try to nurse him.

I know people have different opinions on nursing and for some it just does not work... but to look down at that little guy who is completely dependent upon others and to see him latch on, even if just for a few minutes....well there is something truly spiritual and wonderful about it. After we try nursing for a while they hook up his feeding. His food slowly goes through a tube through his nose right to his stomach over a hour period. I hold him this whole time as he peacefully sleeps in my arms. I love watching his chest rise up and down while he sleeps. I love hearing his little grunts and groans. I gently rub his head. I put my finger into his hand. His hand tightly grips around my finger, his entire hand only covers the very top part of my finger. Even though he is so little he is so perfect, everything in it's place, everything just right... just so so small.

After that hour I gently put him back in his bed. I get him all wrapped up and say goodbye, I will see you later little guy... this is always the hard part. I head out, sometimes to leave the hospital, sometimes I go eat lunch just to come back for the noon care... but my heart is never far from this place. I call it my home away from home away from home. They are caring wonderfully for Ryder, but I will be more than happy to say goodbye to this place.

18 comments:

  1. I am so feeling it with you girl! This small moment seems so long now, but someday he'll be in your arms for good at your home. Not the one away from the one that's away! ;)

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  2. He sounds like he is doing great. Have they told you when he can leave? I hope it's soon!

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  3. I can't imagine leaving the hospital without my baby! Stay strong, mama! You will be home with that sweet baby before you know it!

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  4. This really puts it into perspective, thank you. Soon enough you guys will be going home together. Maybe not soon enough for you, but it WILL happen :)

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  5. Awww just makes my heart ache for you! Hopefully he will get to come home soon

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  6. my friend that had her baby at 32 weeks last fall was a huge advocate for premie breastfeeding. i was surprised at how much it seemed like the nicu staff didn't support it though. are you having those issues or are they being supportive? i know they have the best interest of the baby in mind, but i've always thought that breastmilk was best? there's definitely something to say about that latching on bonding between mother and baby. i love nursing! at least now that i know what i'm doing;-)

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  7. I clicked on your blog to see if you had entered the Iheartfaces contest (must have had your link from a previous contest) and then read about your little boy. I know the NICU well too, my two boys were preemies and were in a hospital about 45 min. from my home. I nursed them too. They are now 22 and 25 (and married!) but I will never forget those days. I will add him to my blogger connection prayer list. God Bless!

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  8. I always get strange looks when I say Nursing is one of my favorite parts of having a baby, it's nice to read someone who feels the same. HUGS!!

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  9. Oh Emmy, I have never had to leave a baby in NICU, so I can only imagine. The way you describe the process brings a tear to me eye...your little guy is so lucky to have you....and you him!

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  10. I remember the one DAY when Rich and I left the hospital to catch a break. It was so hard to leave her behind. I admire your strength. And your attitude is a good one. Prayers continue.

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  11. Awww, this post made me a little teary eyed... I can just imagine how small and perfect he is. It sounds like he's doing so good though! I hope you get to bring him home soon!!

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  12. Ryder is soooo cute! We have been praying for you and Ryder to become stronger each and every day. I might make a new post but I'm not sure what to call it. Can you help me decide?

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  13. I can totally relate. This was the same thing for me, just add two more babies and minus the nursing part. :)

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  14. It is a tough way to start things out, but I'm glad that he seems to be doing better and better and that you do get to spend time with each day.

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  15. Oh Emmy...I am sorry I missed this..not excuses..I was getting my class going..and well..no excuses for not having been here for you!
    First of all I think Price Ryder is just stunning and welcome to the world little one!!
    Secondly...I am sending gentle hugs and energy to you all..this is so hard hon...I am feeling every minute of your post here..I am exausted just reading your post over the last week. Hang in there hon...I know you are strong!
    Hugs and love, Sarah

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  16. You are so strong. Keep trying with the nursing. It will be worth it.

    How much longer will he be in the hospital? I hope it's not too long.

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  17. This post brought back such memories. I really hope everything works out for you. Meaning they tell you you can take him home today, he is doing wonderfully, and everything is just perfect. You are so amazing! Keep it up.

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  18. I know exactly what you mean about nursing. I absolutely loved it! I nursed Daisy a little bit longer than my other babies and I was a bit sad when she weaned herself at about 18months. I don't get to just hold her like that any more.

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