The Primary Program** was coming up. I had rehearsed Lucas' part with him many times. He knew it. and would tell me it constantly. The morning of the program I got a phone call.
"Could you sit with Lucas during the program. He just sometimes has a hard time sitting still and we thought that would help?" they asked.
My heart sunk. I regrettably agreed- knowing deep down he would probably behave worse if I was there by him. But I also knew for Lucas it was so much more than just the wiggles, it was his anxiety- it was the entire situation of being up there in front of all of those people that would just be too much for him.
The program began and sure enough his anxiety kicked into over drive. He seemed to lose all ability to focus to listen. "Sit still" I would whisper under my breath which would momentarily make him still. It was soon his classes turn to say their parts- the part we had rehearsed many times. I encouraged Lucas to stand up to go with his class, he refused. I literally tried lifting him out of his seat and he flopped back down saying no! I quickly gave up, my face reddening with embarrassment. After that it was just too much for him and he began trying to sneak out of his chairs down the stairs they had placed him right by. Why did they put him here?? I questioned in my head.
I knew most were busy watching their own kids- but I also knew he was moving and causing enough of a scene that he was not going unnoticed. My heart filled with shame, embarrassment and lots of questions of why me.
And then I felt them, the tears stinging the corner of my eyes.
Oh please don't cry I thought to myself. But as everyone knows, the more you fight the tears the harder they fight back and soon I had tears running down my face. Lucas continued to wiggle and squirm; I let my hair fall over my face trying to hide, my eyes glued to the ground. As soon as the program ended I told Lucas to go find his daddy and hurried out of the chapel and literally ran out of the church.
********The meeting beginning brought me back to the present -freed from this memory from Lucas' first Primary program. Today, 4 years later was another yearly Primary Program. Lucas and Alex both now sitting on the stand. Alex smiling, waving quietly at Eric, Ryder and I sitting in the audience every so often.
Lucas stood up to say his first part- yes, his first of two parts. His first part was not just the one memorized line that most kids had, but an extra part that they had asked him to share as they knew he would do such a good job. And he did.
From a child who literally could not even sit through a program and say a part-- to this day where he was sharing his own thoughts and feelings that he had prepared. I was a very proud mama.
And Alex, ever the performer did not disappoint. She stood in line with her class when it was their turn, spoke her part clearly and loudly into the microphone with a big smile on her face then literally skipped back to her seat, her ringlet curls bouncing on her back the whole way back. A collective awe and giggle from the audience followed.
This was a good day. I was a very proud mama.
|All dressed up ready to go before the program|
What is your Proud Mommy Moment this week?