Wednesday, May 11, 2011

One Year Ago--really??

A year ago yesterday I wrote this on my blog: "Well it is time for a little vacation. No, not the "I am trying to be dramatic saying I am taking a break from blogging vacation", but a real vacation! It will probably be my last one before the baby is born"

At the time I was 31 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy had been fine, other than my major hernia and that fact that everyone kept saying I looked like I was going to pop. I was excited to get away and spend time with family.

I never would have imagined in my wildest dreams that our week long vacation would become a month long vacation as halfway through our trip my water broke completely unexpectedly. (You can read about that here). It made me question why, wonder what, but truly I felt mostly at peace that somehow everything was going to be okay.

In times of crisis I usually seem to handle it okay.. I think I have my mom to thank for that. I never remember her freaking out, getting scared, or even seeming nervous when I was hospitalized time and time again and went through two heart surgeries. I am sure she must have been freaking out internally-but on the outside she was the essence of calm, like it was no big deal having your five-year-old have open heart surgery. And so this is how I grew up, it was no big deal, I was normal, I can do hard things.

And so one year ago when I was in another state on vacation and my baby was coming 8 weeks too soon I knew I could do it. And I did--mostly--there were some late night tears, the time I left church early as I broke down and cried the whole first hour.... but it's okay to cry right? As a child I used to cry all of the time and so easily- so then I got hard and would fight it-- and now sometimes I have to remind myself that it is okay to just have a good cry.

Which-well this week's upcoming events-my baby is turning 1, I might just have to have a good cry. A cry of happiness. A cry of sorrow. A cry of excitement and anticipation. A cry of longing for these days that will soon be forgotten.

And did I tell you I hate crying? My face gets all red and puffy.

So instead-I am going to be strong and happily reflect on how far Ryder has come.

From a little guy who's entire hand only wrapped around the tip of my finger, who's head easily fit into my husbands hand, so frail and tiny
To this guy- full of life, always in a hurry, strong, calm, wonderful.

(with the debut of my new logo-what do you think??)

This Saturday he will be one-this Saturday I will be strong.

I am linking this post up with Shell's Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday

26 comments:

  1. Aaaahhh! I think I might cry too. I remember all this happening so well . . . the look on Eric's face the days before he was born when you were in the hospital, driving you back and forth after he was born. . . I can't believe how fast a year can go. He is just so amazing Em! I can't believe how big and adorable he is. I can't wait to see him. I miss him and I don't even know him!

    And you logo . . . I LOVE IT!!! It looks really professional and great!!! And those pictures are to-die-for cute!

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  2. WOW - one already?? Time does fly. I remember reading about the drama of that day. Happy Birthday to him! And I love the logo.

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  3. I remember reading about this! I cannot believe it has been a year! He is so beautiful!!

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  4. I agree...so beautiful! Wow...just kill me with those gorgeous pictures. I can hardly stand it...Can't wait to snuggle and play with him. AND...your logo is great!

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  5. I LOVE the photos and your new logo. Its perfect.

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  6. I love your pictures and your logo! I absolutely love his outfit too! Where did you get it? I was touched to read this; glad everything has worked out with him and that he is a healthy and happy boy.

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  7. How sweet this post is. I can't believe how fast a year goes by. You have a very handsome little boy there!

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  8. What a birth story he has!

    Those pics are so cute!!!

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  9. It feels like that was forever ago. And it is so hard to remember him so tiny and struggling along. But wow... look at him! Just look at him!! Yes, happy tears are okay.

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  10. Okay. You made me cry. He's just so beautiful. When he was born he was a cutie and he reminds me so much of my boys when they were born. So small.

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  11. love the logo, love the pictures. He is just too cute.

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  12. I say, have a good happy cry!

    He looks so sweet and happy in the photos! (fantastic logo)

    What a wonderful post!

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  13. He's beautiful! Congratulations.

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  14. I remember when that happened and waiting to read each and every post, hoping that Ryder and you would be okay. Now look at you guys!

    So glad he's healthy and happy. He looks totally adorable! Happy 1st Birthday to your little guy.

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  15. Every time you mention this, I think just how happy I am things turned out so well.

    Wonderful!

    And man, it's crazy to think a year can hold so much but go by so fast.

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  16. I remember it exactly, I think I wrote something about 'you better be joking' because you left us hanging.

    He is absolutely beautiful, such an amazing year for him... and you.

    And the logo looks fabulous!

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  17. Such a sweet post :-) An amazing journey and a fantastic first year! He is a little heart breaker in those photos! Ahhh! Too cute!

    Lula Mae will be 3 on Saturday. Birthday buddies!

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  18. I remember that post! He is such a doll!

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  19. thank you for linking up and pouring your heart out with this. i think this might be the first visit to your blog, and what a beautiful post to read as my first!

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  20. too. much. cuteness. if there is such a thing this would be it!!

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  21. Hard to believe it was a year ago!!! Those photos are the cutest ever ... and I've seen so many cute photos of Ryder here. The new logo is wonderful. Very fresh and professional but creative too. Perfect!

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  22. What beautiful pictures! I loved the one of you holding hands. the one year mark is emotional. I think it's even more of a roller coaster when you had complications. Stopped by from PYHO!

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  23. Such an amazing miracle he is! (And gosh, what a cute one!)

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  24. Thanks Em! Great pictures of our cute little buddy!

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  25. How scary that must of been!

    He's come a long way in one year!

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