I Believe in Miracles

I believe in miracles.

Life is busy.  As we go through life we can often get so caught up in all we have to do.  The days seem to blur together, one day often seeming no different than the next.  But when we slow down, and stop and really look at life- I think we will see miracles.

As our family decided to move, we knew it was the right thing for our family to do, the timing was just awful.

Lucas was in the middle of his 7th grade year.  He was finally getting a great group of loyal friends, he adored one of his teacher's who equally appreciated him back.

But we knew it was what we were supposed to do.

The timing of our move, and the timing of the quarters at school, led us to not start school until the 17th.  My kids loved the long break, but by the end I could tell they would all be doing better with a good routine.

We had a few weeks to attend church before we began school, and the kids had all begun to make friends.  Lucas was becoming friends with two boys from church Aiden and Henry.

The first day of school finally came.

That morning was awful.  Lucas' anxiety kicked into overdrive and I was truly wondering how we were going to get him to school.   After much pleadings, promptings, bribes and probably threats, he was finally able to get moving and we made it to school on time.

As I said goodbye as he left the car, I felt sick.  Sick with worry.  Please let the kids be nice, sick with fear, would he be able to find all his classes?

I just had to trust that all would be okay.

That afternoon when I picked him up, he was happy and had had a wonderful first day, and then I learned of a miracle that had occurred.

Lucas' very first class was art, a class he really did not want to take.  When he arrived at class, the teacher handed out letters.  These letters had been written by the class from the previous semester; they wrote letters to the incoming class with tips on how to succeed.  The letters were handed out randomly.  Lucas opened his letter and began reading, when he came to the end he saw who it was signed by-- by Aiden, one of the handful of kids Lucas knew in the school.

Some might just call this is a coincidence, but I see it as a miracle, a tender blessing on a day when he needed it most.  Of all of the letters for Lucas to get, he got one from a friend.

Miracles do happen.  The might be small, some might think of them as coincidence, but I will see them for what they are.

Parenting A Teenager

This Sunday will mark a major milestone in both me and my son's life, he is going to officially be a teenager, and yes that does terrify me a bit.

I remember the teenage years, the anxiety about peers, about boys, some of the really stupid choices I made.  Every once in a while I will recall a specific memory and how I felt, which as awful as it is, I am so grateful for.

Grateful that I have those little glimpses back into my teenage brain that definitely did not process, or reason through things like I do now.  That teenage brain where the bad moments truly can feel like the end of the world and everything is so much bigger and more important than it probably really is.

I am grateful for these glimpses so when my son does things that just baffle me, I can remember, and I can have compassion.  I still need to be his parent and try my best to knock some sense into him, but in a way filled with love and understanding.

These are a few things I hope I remember along the way:

--To really listen--
    We all want to be listened to, want our voices heard, so I need to listen, even if he is droning on about video games or something I have no interest in.  It matters to him, and he matters to me, so I try to listen.  That way, when it comes to the big things, he will know I listen to him, so he will hopefully come talk with me.

--To have some fun--
    The teenager years, as dreaded as they were, were also a lot of fun.  I need to try and enjoy these years now as a parent.  My mother-in-law always says the teenage years were her favorite and she loves teenagers.  I think she truly does, but I think she truly does and did because she told herself that so much until she believed it and lived it.  If we go into it thinking it is going to be awful, well it will.

--To Parent--
   While we have that fun, I still have to remember I am the parent, and yes I do reason and think differently now and have a greater perspective than my son does.  So it means setting limits, saying no at times, and probably having days where he just doesn't really like me very much.  But if I can guide him and direct him to good and growth, then we will all be better off in the end.

--It will Pass--
   Just like the terrible two's, or three's they always seemed worse than two with my kids, it is a phase and will pass.  On those days where I know we will butt heads and he will try my patience; I just have to remember who he truly is and that this phase will pass.  I just need to be there to help, guide, and love unconditionally.

So to my son- I am going to try! Let's stick together and make these the best years possible.

Parents of teens, do you have any tips or advice? 

My Thoughts on September 11th

Devastation... that really is a good word to describe the country right now.  Hurricanes, floods, fires, earthquakes have been plaguing this country and the world in full force these last few weeks.  That doesn't even touch on the political and social upheaval that is currently happening.  It can make you start to question and wonder and lose hope, but we cannot lose hope. This country was built on hope.

Today is the anniversary of a day I will never forget.  I found a post I wrote several years ago on the anniversary of September 11th and it is still so relevant today, so I am going to re-share this post, as my hopes and dreams for this country and this world remain the same.  

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Since I was no longer a single student staying up way too late, hanging out with my roommates or my boyfriend; I figured I could handle an early morning college class.  It was the beginning of my junior year of college; I was a newlywed of 3 months and loving life.  Eric and I were both going to school full time and working part time.  We had a little 1 bedroom apartment but felt like we were rich with our little box TV and brand new DVD player. 

I trudged into class, students were all gathered together talking.  'I heard a plane hit the Twin Towers' some of the students were saying.  We all wondered if this was true.   A few more students came into class saying the same thing.  It must be true.

There were no smart phones, no twitter, no Facebook that we could quickly turn to to confirm if this was true.  I had a cell phone, a large brick of a phone that was actually pretty advanced with a black and white game of SkipBo on it.

We all wondered what had happened.  As soon as class ended we all hurried to the nearest TV.  It was true.  Planes had hit the Twin Towers in New York City.

We were all shocked and not quite sure what to do.

I had a doctors appointment after my class and headed to that as I normally would.  The waiting room was silent, everyone's eyes glued to the TV they had brought into the waiting room.  I sat there watching the coverage, watching people run, hearing the speculations as to what could have happened, then I saw it live, the second tower collapse.  

People cried freely and held each others hands.  What happened to our country?

I will never forget that day.  I will always remember.  

I also remember what happened after; flights were canceled, security went to all new levels-- but so did something else.

The country's pride.  The number of American Flags that were flown by peoples homes.  Peoples desire to step up, help out, be a little more kind, be more united.

Those terrorists wanted to hurt us and they did but they also made us stronger.

Now 12 years later in a world of instant communication and instant gratification, too many have forgotten.  They have forgotten that his country was founded on freedom.  A freedom to work, the freedom to prosper and have the American dream because of hard work and determination.

Far too many want the American Dream for nothing; they feel entitled to have it handed to them, to be taken care of.   This is not the America I love.  This is not the America that everyone cried over that day 12 years ago.

The American Dream is not meant to be handed out like a participation trophy to everyone who plays. It's meant to be worked for, fought for, something that we desire with everything that we are.

It is our right to work, our right to try hard, our right to try and better our lives.

It is not our right, or our children's right to be given a free ride, a place to live, or even a phone.  Just because everyone has one is never a reason for anything. Things that we have should be earned because we have helped in the home (and in the world), shown that we are responsible, and have earned it.   

Sometimes life is hard and it will be and it will seem unfair; this is the time to tighten our belts, cut back and work even harder.  It is not a time to keep trying to live like the Jone's just because 'it isn't fair'.

Life is not fair.

Something needs to change and it starts with you and me.

It starts with us understanding that in life there may be times that we all will need hand-ups but never hand-outs.   This country, our children, this society needs a little tough love.  A little wake up call, a lesson in life.  As moms we know all too well that there is only so much we give before we totally lose it.  How can this country survive by just giving and giving?  It is going to lose it. 

I will not stand idly by and let that happen.  I will fight, in my own way, in my own home, in my own city and state. I will fight by educating myself and my children and by stepping up and speaking out.   I will help those in need by helping them learn how to help themselves.  I am not going to hand out free fish, I am going to teach a man to fish.  To whom much is given, much is required and I will give- but my giving will be in ways that can help change a life forever not just for a day.

This is the American Dream, this is what those terrorists tried to take away from us on that awful September day.  Don't let them win! Don't let them win through entitlement, laziness and dependency.  

I am living the American Dream because I have worked and am working to deserve it.

Being Enough in Motherhood

I wake and the house is quiet.  A late night soccer game and an almost teenager who has finally learned to sleep in.  I soak in the quiet, enjoying the moment of peace, but then it feels lonely.  I have become more used to the quiet, with all three children halfway through their third week of school.  I fill those away hours with editing pictures, doing housework and hopefully one of these days getting back to my book.  Sometimes I resent when the clock hits that pickup time as there is always more to do, but now as I sit here in the quiet, realizing how quickly it is all going- I want it back.

The simpler days of play dates and preschool drop off, the simpler days of soccer games only being a few minutes away instead of in neighboring cities.  But yet, at the same time I don't miss those days at all.

The silence is broken, my baby comes down, just don't let him know I call him that.  At seven-years-old he will loudly proclaim that he is not a baby.  I scoop him up and place him on my lap for a morning cuddle.  I know he won't allow me to do this much longer, but for now I cherish it.

Life really is a whirlwind, rushing so fast forward in time that I just want it to stop, yet the days sometimes seem to click slowly by the same routine one day to the next.   The reality of time and that in just six short years my oldest will be graduating from high school and leaving to serve a mission, both thrills and frightens me.

Have I done enough as a mother?  Have I been enough?

I want to improve, I want to be present, I want to learn how to take the teenage attitude and changes in stride and in patience.  It is all so new for both me and my son.

I remember being twelve so excited to be an official teenager, I remember what it was like.  I remember things both good and bad that I never told my parents and that is what frightens me the most.  I know I can't solve every problem, I know I shouldn't, but the thought of the unknown hurts, the unknown pains he might be suffering just makes me yearn for the days when I was his entire world.

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All is quiet again.  We made it through the morning rush and school drop-offs.  So for now I sit, sit trying to focus on what really matters most, try to hurry and get my things done so that when my kids are home I can really be there, really be present as I don't have all the answers, I don't always know what to do- but I know I can be there and some days that just might be enough.

When It is Hard to Forgive

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Have you ever had someone wrong you?  Someone hurt you either intentionally or not?  What about those times so extreme it seems impossible to forgive?

This weekend I had the privilege of going to Time Out For Women.  One of the speakers was Alissa Parker, mother of Emilie Parker one of the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting.  Let's just say there were a lot of tears listening to Alissa speak.

Me and Alissa Parker after her presentation 

Alissa told how she went over to the school, waiting to hear, then learning Emilie would not be going home with them that day.  I remember the Sandy Hook shooting so vividly, I remember watching the news feed live, unable to stop watching.  I remember texting my husband while bawling, telling him what had happened.  To think of all of those little children.  It broke my heart.

Alissa told how empty she felt almost unable to function.

Then she began talking about the angels; the angels in her life in the forms of her friends and family and those around her.  How they cared for her, how they reached out for her, how they did what they could to somehow try and help.

She talked with a counselor asking how can I help my kids through this and the counselor wisely told her, first you need to work on you.

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As mothers I think our instinct often is to take care of those around us, make sure their needs are met; but as a mother you are a person too!  If you are broken and empty, it will be impossible to truly take care of others.

She said as time went on, she felt like she needed to choose.  To choose to let the light in, to choose to see the tender mercies, the help from the angels in her life.

Then she said something I will never forget-- 

"There is a correlation between healing and forgiveness."

She said at first she almost felt guilty, like taking away the pain felt like a disservice to what happened to her daughter.  She wanted to think of the shooter as a monster, it was easier, it felt right.  Ultimately, this is not how she could live her life.

She said that after meeting with the shooter's father, it began to humanize the shooter, and almost gave her a closure.  She realized that it was not her burden to judge and know how the shooter would be held accountable with God, she didn't need to carry that burden with her, she could turn that over to God.

She testified that God can take the hardest and most broken hearts and can heal them, but we have to choose to let Him do that, we have to choose the light above the darkness.

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Alissa has written a book about her experience-
I went an immediately purchased it after hearing her speak

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I have read many survivors stories, and one commonality is their hope of something more; something more than just this life, also their ability to forgive.  Once they forgive, that person or those people who harmed them- the people and the crimes lose power over them.  They no longer need to be victimized by the horrendous crimes that were committed against them; they are able to find peace and purpose in life.  That is true power.  That is how you forgive when forgiving seems impossible.

**Please note-forgiving is not the same as forgetting.  In some situations, actions need to be taken to protect yourself and others.  At times, seeking professional help is necessary**

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Now just this week, there was another shooting in a school, a domestic dispute- played out in the classroom, taking the lives of the teacher and a student, another student hanging on for their life.  As I saw the news of this, my heart broke once again.  Men's hearts are failing them.  This world needs peace, this world needs the ability to find light, hope and peace.

This true peace, this true light, comes from one source, our Savior Jesus Christ; he truly is the Prince of Peace.

When Did You Last Blow Bubbles in Milk?

When's the last time you blew bubbles in milk?
When did you last stop to notice a pretty flower, a rainbow, or the way a child seems to run everywhere they go?

Last week I was looking through old pictures and observed a few things; first that I used to get my "real" camera out for pictures all the time.  Possibly because there weren't really good phone cameras then, but my Canon was never far from my hands, and there are so many pictures I love.

It also made me realize how quickly it goes.

I don't photograph the little day to day moments nearly as often as I once did.  Let's be honest, my kids have much less desire for me to photograph the little moments now.. plus they sure were cute when they were little!

They are still cute now, but there is something about little chubby baby hands, little toddlers discovering the world that is just so adorable and amazing to photograph.

I sometimes miss those little moments, the little kids with little problems.  I know, I haven't yet entered the teenager years with my kids, though we are so close, and I really do like the ability to just run to the store by myself... but sometimes I can't help but wish for those magical days.

But I can't live in the past, instead I need to find the magic now.

What can I do as a mom to help pull them back to some of the magic, out of the ruts of busy lives, school work, homework, and after school activities?

The answers is-- in some ways I can't.  It will never be back to the days of kids being home all day and a days worth of activities about the Letter A being enough.  I will no longer be the center of their universe every single day.  I need to adjust as a mother and find a new kind of magic, new adventures and things for us to document, to remember to live and enjoy.  Mostly, I just need to really be there-- to be-- as it goes so fast.

For those with tweens and teens, what do you like doing as a family?

My Daughter is My Hero

I always wanted a boy first, something about having that big brother there to protect you.   When we found out our first was going to be a boy we were so happy.  Then a couple of years later and we found out we were having a girl and it couldn't seem more perfect.

After becoming a mom to a girl I soon discovered a few things, first I was horrible at doing hair.  My daughter would often come home from playdates with her hair in cute little ponytails, maybe my friends way of trying to give a subtle hint.  I also learned that sometimes my daughter would baffle me.

As a child I was more shy and timid, crying easily in new moments- she took on life boldly and fearlessly, yet could still be quiet and almost meek at times.

Our stubbornness and our differences would at times make us both dig in our heels and she definitely seemed to gravitate towards her adoring father, yet she was my girl.

Last week I worked out again for the first time in many years.  I don't know why I really stopped, I think the desire to sleep in during the summer and I just never made it back to workout when the next school year began.  After my workout out I felt like I could barely walk, barely move.  That night at Alex's soccer practice everyone asked if I was okay as I was walking with an obvious stiffness.  It took almost two entire days until I felt like I could walk normally again.

Wednesday night we were practicing on a small indoor field due to the rain.  They were doing a shooting drill with the strikers much closer than they usually would be and Alex ended up taking a direct hit to the face.

As she dropped to her knees holding her face, I was sure as I ran over there was going to be lots of blood.  Miraculously there was not, she came out, got a drink and tried to settle down, visibly shaken and upset.  But after a little bit she went back in, all the parents commenting how tough she was.

At this point in the practice they were doing a lot of running.  She joined her teammates running hard, but was still not quite feeling her best.  As she ran her eyes welled up with tears, I could almost see the internal battle going on in her head.  Her eyes became more red and a few sobs escaped her lips.  She continued to run.  She sometimes would look back at me almost seeming to say save me but that she would keep going if I told her to.

As a mother I felt conflicted... torn... wanting to protect and shield my child, but not wanting her to ever give up.  

She seemed to gag as if she was going to throw up, but still she ran.  Finally I waved her over, after I was almost certain she was going to lose it all over the floor.  Thankfully she did not.

The next day as I wobbled around the house, complaining about my sore legs I thought about my daughter the night before, determined to keep going, determined to finish strong.   Looking to me for what she should do, looking to me to know how much she needed to endure, what she needed to push through.

As a parent it is so easy to want to shelter our kids, to protect them-- and trust me there are many things that I do protect and shelter them from, but ultimately they have to learn to battle through, to push, to keep going even when things are really hard.

I try so hard to let my kids know that I will love them no matter what, that nothing can take away their worth, who they truly are... yet they have to work, they have to try for their best.

Things in life don't come free, we are not entitled to things.  We have to work, we have to push when times are hard, we have to keep going.  And I will always be there, never stop loving her, never give up on her, never stop pushing her to strive to be her best self-- but I will be there, to wave her over and comfort when she has had enough.  I couldn't take the pain, the fatigue from her but I can be there, I can always be there.

My Word of the Year

In the past I have picked out a word for the year, I really had no intention to this year.  A couple of years ago my word was present- that seemed perfect and like something that I still need to work on today.

Sunday night, as we were sitting around eating our ice-cream after our family night, there was just this moment of contentment and happiness and it hit me that I need to BE.

To BE more present

To BE real in life with who I am and who I show myself to be

To BE there-- really there, in those little moments with my kids

To BE actively engaged in doing good, doing more

To BE more physically active, getting back to working out and eating right

To BE who God wants me to BE.

I just need to BE.

The best part, I don't have to do it all at once.  The New Year isn't the only time I can set goals and try again; but every week.... every week when I partake of the Sacrament at church, it is like starting fresh again.  Being washed clean again and trying again.. and again and again, as I am so far from who I can be.

So this year-- I am going to BE.

Do you have a word for this year?

Praying Like a Child

We are in the final stretch, less than a week now until Christmas.  The presents are all bought, or mostly, the stockings are hung ready to be filled, ingredients for cookies are waiting for little hands to help make them....

It truly is a magical, wonderful time of year.  Today my parents fly in and we will begin a fun and very busy week of chorus concerts, BYU's bowl game, and of course our Christmas Eve traditions.

Yesterday my family gathered for morning prayer before Eric had to leave for his early morning church meetings, we asked Ryder to say the prayer.

Ryder says his own nighttime prayers every day, he also takes his occasional turn at meal time prayers, but the morning prayer- well this must have felt like something new to him.

"I don't know what to say." he stated.

"Of course you do." we reassured him, not totally unfamiliar with this routine, as this is what he would once say before his bedtime prayers.

He began, "Dear Heavenly Father", then with a slight pause, "See I told you I didn't know what to say."

After we finished laughing, Eric prompted him on things he could first thank Heavenly Father for and then ask him for.  His prayer was short and simple and I couldn't help but picture Heavenly Father having a little laugh himself about Ryder's prayer.

Later that day in Sunday school we were discussing our intent in our actions and why we do things,  if we do things sincerely or for the praise of man, or without even really thinking at all.

"Are your prayers deliberate 100% of the time?" the teacher asked, "How about 75%, or 50% or even 25%?"

It made me stop and reflect, how often are my prayers sincere?

Do I rush through the meal prayers, knowing everyone is hungry and ready to eat?  Do I say the same things in my bedtime prayers not really stopping to reflect but just saying the same things I do most nights?

Do I know what to say?

It was a bit of a wakeup call, one I am sure I will need again and again as I try and navigate my way through life.  It is my goal to stop and really think and ponder before I begin to pray, what do I really need to pray for, what am I thankful for that day.

If you aren't a praying type, do you have a time that you mediate or contemplate life?  It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle of life and get into our routines and go through life on auto pilot.

It is those times when I stop and reflect, when I truly feel and know that I need my Maker's help that I feel most at home, most at peace, most like things will be okay if I just continue to take it One Day At a Time.

The Reason For The Season

Every Christmas season I get this list of ideas of things I want to do or think I will do.  Then as it often does, life gets really busy and before we know it Christmas has come and gone.

I am so grateful for the Light The World campaign my church is doing, with 25 days of things you can do to try and live and be like the Savior was.

I love seeing how excited my kids are to find out what each new day is, wanting to try and live like Jesus did.

That is the meaning of the season.

Last night I watched and photographed the Living Nativity that my church has done for the last six years.  It truly is am amazing production, and that moment when the wisemen come and bow down worshiping the baby Jesus, it gives me chills and hope and so much happiness.

There is true meaning to the season, all of the other stuff is just for fun.  Many often comments how this time of year people seem to be a little kinder,  give back a little more, and generally just a bit happier.  I believe it is because of the spirit of Christmas- or the spirit of Christ.    Even for those who don't believe in Christ- no one can argue that people trying to give back a little more, trying to be a little kinder can ever be a bad thing.

My kids have a week and a half of school left and then our Christmas break will start, a break in which I hope and plan to really be there for them and with them.  A break where I will try to be the 'fun mom'.  It isn't always easy, as it is easy to get busy and caught up in your own self- but that will never bring real happiness.

This Christmas season, join me by bringing a little more happiness, a little more kindness and charity- help me Light the World.

My Kids Don't Believe in Santa

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I guess technically the title is only 2/3 true, two of my three children no longer believe in Santa.  I knew it would happen, I am often surprised it didn't happen sooner or I am beginning to realize, maybe it did.

I usually don't discuss or do Christmas before Thanksgiving, poor neglected Thanksgiving, but my mama heart is kind of in shock and mourning a bit.

Yesterday Alex and I were doing a puzzle, I love puzzles especially the Eric Dowdle puzzles, I have a closet full of them.   We picked out a Christmas one.  While we were doing the puzzle I began singing 'Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer',  of all the Christmas songs I had to pick that one.   "Is that true?" Alex asked.

"No of course not, it's just a silly song." I replied.

Then it came, the dreaded question, the question most parents half hope will never be asked.

"Is Santa Real?"

All three of my kids were in the room, including my youngest only 6-years-old; I didn't want the magic to be ruined for him, not yet.  Just yesterday he believed his sister was really able to teleport things in a "machine" powered by him running around the house.   I wanted that innocence to remain just a little longer.

"What do you believe?" I replied, feeling a twinge of guilt.

"Santa is real." My 12-year-old interjected..... followed by a big wink towards his sister.

He knows, and now so does she.

Back when Santa came to Alex's preschool and she did believe 

I figured my 12-year-old must know, I figured he has probably known for a few years, but he has never asked.  My daughter was always the more suspicious one, asking a few times.  He never even once seemed to express any doubt, always playing along.  But he knows, and now my daughter knows for sure too.

Only my 6-year-old still fully believes.

This has been a transition year for me, my oldest starting middle school and leaving Primary and going into the teenage youth program at church, my youngest now being in school all day.  While I truly am happy with life right now, there are definitely little moments that make me mourn for some of the little moments of the past.

Now I am unsure what to do.  Do I take her aside and talk with her about it, talk with my oldest find out when he stopped believing?  Or do I just let it go, knowing they are allowing their brother to believe just a little longer.  I think my mama heart doesn't really want to know and accept that they no longer believe.

Can't I just live in denial?

Do your kids still believe?  When or how did you talk with them about it if they don't?

How I Became a Photographer- Achieving Goals in Life

How have you imagined your life?  Is it what you thought it would be?   Most likely not, even if things are good it probably has taken different paths and plans than you expected.  What if there is something you really want?  How can you make your goals happen?  How can you own your tomorrow?

I have always loved taking pictures.  When I graduated from high school my parents bought me a camera for a graduation present.  My Dad asked if I wanted a nice little compact camera that I could easily carry or if I wanted a "real" camera.

I got my first real camera, a Canon-- film though, as this was pre-digital days.  I loved having that big camera, it just made me feel like I knew what I was doing, though I really didn't.

I remember the days of taking pictures, having to drop off the film and wait for the pictures to be finished until you could see what you ended up with.  Now with digital it is so much easier.  As I got busy in school and life, while I would still take pictures, it wasn't something I really pursued anymore.

At the time I was a mom with two little kids, living in yet another new area, this time Arizona.  We had a class at church about photography where a professional photographer came in and taught us some tips and tricks about lighting and getting good pictures.

It began, that little flicker, that little flame began to ignite again.  I had my two kids sit next to our sliding glass door, the light shining in just right and got a picture which I loved.   I still have it framed and displayed today as now it represents something big- that moment, that moment when I decided to really take a step.

I didn't immediately go out and start taking pictures, but I read, checking out books at the library, trying to learn about light and how my camera worked, trying to get out of auto mode and really take the picture myself.

A year or so later for Christmas, my husband bought me my first Canon digital DSLR, I was in love, taking pictures of everything and anything.  Always continuing to shoot,  learn and educate myself.

Me in action from a recent photoshoot

Finally, the time came where I was going to photograph someone else's family, as a job.  I began with family and friends, as I knew they would still like me even if I did a horrible job.

I remember one of my first shoots, so nervous and almost shaking.  I began the shoot by shooting in manual, but halfway through I was so worried that I maybe wasn't getting good pictures as the light was a bit tricky that I switched to auto.

I look back at those first pictures now, overly edited and processed, and it amazes me at how far I have come.

I still have so much to learn, there are so many photographers who I admire who know so much more than I do; but in life you can't always be comparing yourself to others or you will never be happy, but you should compare you to yourself. Are you growing? Are you improving?  Are you taking steps to better yourself, your situation, your life?

I still watch photography classes and tutorials, I still am trying to learn and improve everyday.

What are you going to do?  What are you going to do to own your tomorrow?

Definitely should check out this video, warning it might make you tear up a little, as we never know what is going to happen in life-- but we can always choose how we respond and react to life.

Dream big today, then do something about it!  Own Your Tomorrow!

Have you had a moment in life that changed the direction of your life?

See how others are owning their tomorrow-- here.

The Election Shock

I am shocked.   I honestly did not except the election to go the way it did.

I didn't vote for either of the main candidates, for the first time ever in my life I wrote in a candidate.  I feel good about who I voted for, something I don't know if I could say if I voted differently.

The media and a lot of the country was sure that Hillary was going to win.  It seemed all but inevitable.  As the results started rolling in, which thankfully here in California we didn't have to stay up until 3:00 AM to find out, I was shocked.  I didn't know if I felt relief or fear;  I wasn't sure what to think.

Now as everyone stumbles around trying to make sense of what happened, there are so many ugly words and accusations flying everywhere.

There was one person I voted for this year that I felt really good about.  It was a local politician who has shown that he has kept his word, someone that is supported by every local mayor both Republican and Democrat alike, imagine that- someone who knows how to get along and work with everyone!

Sadly he barely won, though it is so close they haven't officially called it yet, as he does not fit the mold that California's government wants, he isn't a puppet to their ideals and plans, in a state that create propositions for making it a law to make p*rn stars wear condoms on the ballet, I am not kidding.

I can't imagine being a politician in today's world.  The media, the people always flinging insults and waiting for your to cross your eyes funny.  It is hard enough just supporting a political person the way people treat each other if they don't think you are voting for the "right" person.  I cannot even imagine what it would be like to be that person.

What can I do, what do I plan to do?

Well first, I am going to pray.. a lot.  I am going to pray that those elected will be humble enough to realize they don't know everything, that they need input from others, from people who think and don't think like they do.  Pray that they wake up and address the real issues, the real problems; not if plastic bags should be banned from grocery stores.  What is going to make this country good again?

It is every day people, stopping the insults, stop insisting that they are always right no matter what; willing to get out and talk with people who think differently than they do and find a common ground. People willing to maybe get a little offended but not insist on a safe space or 'political correctness'.  People who realize the country cannot operate on moral relativism and whatever makes you feel good; but it needs definitive right and wrongs.  It needs jobs and hard work and education to be valued and rewarded.  This is what our country needs.

It begins with me and you.  Me taking the time to smile and say hi in the store, me slowing down and letting you switch lanes in front of me, me and you just being kind good humans who are trying to add to this world and not just take.

This is what it needs and this is what I am going to do.

Election Day

It's election day.. in so many ways I will be so glad when this day is over.  For the first time in my years of voting I could not be more dismayed and baffled with the choices before us.  I love this country, I love what it stands for, I love what it was founded on... but that just all seem to be falling apart.

We cannot forget why this county began, we cannot forget what the founding fathers hoped for and envisioned and knew was necessary to make our country work.

I am not happy with the choices and who we have to vote for- but I am voting.  I have read and researched and am trying to make what I think is the best informed decision as I truly believe it is through indifference and people not really taking the time to learn and make informed decisions that we got to the point that we did today.

In California this year there is what feels like a million propositions on our ballet.  Everything from money to schools to voting if p*rn stars should be required to wear a condom in their productions.  No joke.

What drives me crazy is the way they slip things in to propositions making things that seem like they could be good, but then sneaking in their own little agenda or twist.

This is the first year I put a political sign in my yard, no not for one of the presidential candidates, but for a local representative who I have watched keep his promises and who has support from every mayor in our area both democratic and republican alike.  That is the kind of politician we need, someone who keeps the word, someone who has shown he can work with both sides.  Sadly ones like this are few and far between.

Today if you have not yet voted, get out and vote- but don't just vote to vote, learn, research and heck pray for how you should vote.  This country needs it.

A Birthday for Me

Usually the last Tuesday of the Month I share Ten Things to Smile about, but there is 6 days left in the month, including Halloween, which will definitely make my list to smile about, so I will share 10 Things to Smile About next Tuesday.

Instead today, well it's a birthday post, as it might just be my birthday.

Okay, no might about it, it is.

I am now officially closer to 40 than 30.  That is so crazy to think.  I like being in my 30's.  I remember when I first turned 30 I was glad as then when people commented about my young face and that I did not look old enough to have kids, I could tell them with much authority that I was 30.

Sure I miss my body of my early 20's, but I really am comfortable and at a good place in life.

I am on the cusps of having a teenage son and a whole new set of adventures, which yes some days make me shake in fear, but really life is good.

I am achieving many of my goals, with my photography business, with a book I am writing that one day I will actually finish, and happy, good kids that so far are successful in life.

I remember when 30 used to sound old, now it just seems normal and I definitely don't feel old.  Yes, I like taking naps and at times I am happy to just sit but I don't feel any older.

I am truly content and happy with life.  That is not to say life is perfect, it definitely is not, but I guess with my "old" age I have developed a maturity and peace with life.   My content with life was pretty evident, much to my husband's dismay, when I was horrible about providing a wish list for my birthday.

So if this is life in the 30's, then I will take it.

A Special Week for a Mother

This has truly been an incredible week.  There have definitely been some ups and downs, including some crazy stressful situations for both Eric and I with work and soccer, but overall the good of this week greatly out-weighs the bad.

On Saturday, Lucas turned 12.  Not only is he now a pre-teen, but in my faith, 12 is a huge milestone birthday.  When a boy turns 12 he is able to receive the Aaronic Priesthood.

On Saturday we celebrated his birthday with cinnamon rolls for breakfast and then he had to open his presents.  He got the one present he really wanted, a cell phone.  Eric and I had debated for a while as to when it would be the right time for him to have a phone, and after a lot of thought and consideration, he got one for his 12th birthday. (Next week I will share the contract we made him sign in order to have a phone).

Then we watched BYU beat Michigan State and went out for dinner that night at Mimi's Cafe,

followed by his birthday cake-- an Awesome Face Emjoi cake.

He loved his cake!

Sunday was a very special Sunday, Ryder gave a talk in Primary and Lucas received the Aaronic Priesthood.  At the beginning of sharing time, the young men from the ward came into Primary and sang a song and then took Lucas away to his new class.  He was beyond ready to leave Primary and start Young Mens.   We then went with Lucas where Eric ordained him to be a Deacon in the Aaronic Priesthood.  I could feel the spirit so strongly and have so much hope for the boy Lucas is and who he will become.  They asked Lucas to share his testimony and he said that he felt the spirit so strongly and it reminded him of how he felt when he was baptized.  They then asked me to share a few thoughts.  It truly was a wonderful a special day.


This day was even more special as it was also my Mother-in-laws birthday.  Lucas is their oldest grandchild so they had come to town for this special weekend, and so on Sunday we also celebrated her birthday.

On Tuesday, thanks to some last minute plan changes and great friends who were able to help with my youngest two, my in-laws, Eric, Lucas and I all went to the Temple, where Lucas performed baptisms for the dead.

Redlands, CA Temple

  It was awesome to be there in the temple with him for his first time.  Family's truly are meant to be forever and there is a plan of happiness which can bring you so much comfort and peace in life.

The rest of my in-laws visit was spent sewing with the kids

Alex made this skirt with the help of Mimi

going to soccer practices
and just enjoying our time together.

This truly was a wonderful week and one I will never forget.

It's Good Life Isn't Fair

Every once in a while you hear something that truly reaches you, changes your thinking.

Sunday in church, during Relief Society, a meeting for women 18 and over, the teacher made a comment that made me really pause and ponder.

"It is good life isn't fair."

Now as a mother, I hear "it's not fair" way more often than I would like to admit.  "Life isn't fair" I will often come retort.

But on Sunday, the teacher said, "It is good life isn't fair".

She went on to explain, that none of us are perfect, or ever will be.  We all make mistakes, we all have faults and try our best to make our ways through life, but we will always fall short.  There was one who was perfect.  There was one who came to earth and lived a perfect life only to suffer and die for each and everyone of us.  If life was "fair", then He wouldn't have to suffer for crimes and sins He did not commit.  If life was fair, He would have been rewarded and punished for His actions alone.  But He did die for us. He did suffer and feel every single pain, sickness, infliction and injustice each of us have and will go through.  It wasn't fair, but He did it because of love.

So it is good life isn't fair, good that He took upon him everything even though He didn't have to in order for us to be saved.

The other day I watched a video a friend posted.  This friend is a high school science teacher at a really rough school.  He gave his students a marble tower toy, yes a toy- one my own kids have had since they were preschoolers and they could not quite figure out how to put it together.  It broke my heart watching this.

Life isn't fair and sometimes the discrepancies in life are just astounding and unexplainable.  Why was I born into the life I was, why have I been given the privileges and opportunities I have?

The older I get the more I realize this life does not have all the answers.  But someday, someday there will be answers, there will be pure light and hope and everything will seem fair.

As I drove home from church this last Sunday, I told my kids what I had learned.  'Wow!' they all proclaimed.  Later that night when Alex resorted to "that's not fair"- I reminded her what I had taught them earlier. She quickly changed her attitude and said, "You are right, it is good it is not fair."

Life is not fair, and it is good.  That does not mean I am not going to do all I can to try and take away some of the pain, injustices and problems in the world today right now.  I am going to teach my kids to look for those who are sad, look for those who are alone. I am going to do the same myself.  I am going to teach my kids the importance of hard work, a good education and never giving up- so that they can be successful, contribute to society and be able to help give back.   I am going to try my best to be a beacon of hope and light to those around me.

Life isn't fair- but this is good.

I cannot do this on my own, I need my Heavenly Father and Savior everyday and with and only because of their help can I be saved.

It's good life isn't fair.

When Monday Is a Holiday

Do you like Monday holidays? Or do you prefer them on Friday?

I love Monday holidays as it makes the rest of the week seem to go so fast, always thinking it is one day behind what it really is.  Monday holidays alway throw me off too.  They kind of feel like we have a Saturday, Sunday then Saturday again; most of the day Monday I kept thinking we would be going to church the next day.

We took advantage of our three day weekend.

We first went to my friend (and cousin's) son's baptism.  It was a wonderful service followed by a nice lunch at the park after.  We had a great time catching up with family (Eric's family technically).

Then my family went off for a mini adventure, we had some time to burn before my beach photoshoot that evening.

We tried unsuccessfully to ride the giant orange hot air-balloon, it was too windy and so it was closed.  Instead we went to nearby mall and rode the Big Wheel, a big Ferris Wheel.


 That and the drive the rest of the way to the beach and dinner took the perfect amount of time.

I met my client, who was actually here on vacation from Canada, and we had a great beach shoot.  Her kids, despite being up since 3:00 AM to travel, were awesome.

I texted my family after the shoot to find out where they were and Eric said they were on the other side of the pier flying a giant kite- and sure enough they were.  They bought a kite from a guy on the pier and had a great time flying the kite while I did my shoot.

A photo posted by emmymom (@emmymom) on Sep 4, 2016 at 4:42pm PDT

We hurried home to watch BYU pull out an awesome last minute win, I love football season!

Sunday was a wonderful Sabbath day where I learned it is very good that life isn't fair (more about that tomorrow).

Then Monday Eric and I did some couch shopping, and ended up buying one.  After the last leg rest broke, and the seat I sit in is all busted, it was definitely time for a new couch.

We did make the day fun for the kids too with John's Incredible Pizza for lunch and ended by all watching Home Alone together.   We watched it on Vid Angel and it is a good thing as there are actually a lot of bad words in that movie!


It was a great weekend and now this Tuesday/Wednesday, when I am not quite sure what day it is, I am trying to get back into the swing of things.

What day do you prefer to have off?
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When You Just Can't Get Along

I know I won't be friends with everyone.  There will always be those who for whatever reason we just don't really click.  But usually I can get along with most.

That was one thing I loved about BlogHer, being with women with different views but we were able to talk and find common grounds. In fact it hasn't really been since high school since I have encountered someone that I just cannot figure out how to work with (excluding my job as a Foster Care worker- as that is a whole other situation).

Now I am in the thick of it- it is honestly making me feel sick.  I ponder and wonder and worry and even dream about it.  It feels like every step I try and make forward another jab on injury is thrown my way.

Sometimes I wonder if I am overthinking it, sometimes I worry my own bias may be clouding what is all happening, but then another jab another attack, another self-righteous e-mail sent my way.   I have discussed it with others involved and they have all told me I am on the right track and doing right.

But I hate this feeling.

It makes me want to just walk away to give up and quit-- but that decision would affect so many others around me.

So instead, I take a deep breath- praying that I can find common ground, praying that I say the right things, praying that somehow hearts (mine and theirs) will be softened and we will stop making each other miserable, but also know I must stand my ground.

In today's world the anonymity of the internet has made it so much easier for people to belittle and state things that I don't think or I sure hope they would never say to someone's face.  It baffles me when people seem to go out of their way to leave mean and nasty comments.   Why take the time, why bother, why not just click away?

Today I am choosing to take my "battle" in person, no more back and forth e-mails where tones and intentions can be confused and misunderstood, they are going to have to say it to my face.

Sometimes being a grown-up isn't so much fun.

Why I Volunteer

The school year is fast approaching, we start at the beginning of August.  I am ready and dreading it all at the same time.  A recent conversation with a friend about teachers put a lot of the parents in a panic.  As any parent knows, not all teachers are created equal.  There are always the teachers that everyone wants, the teachers that would be just fine and those one or two teachers that you pray your child doesn't get.  

I didn't think I would have to worry about this teacher this year, but due to some switching, there was now that possibility.

As soon as I got home, I e-mailed the principle, never naming this teacher but instead stating the needs of my child and what kind of teacher would be a great fit for them.  I have been through this before.  I remember Lucas' Preschool teacher telling me, "well as long as he gets good teachers he will be okay, otherwise he may really struggle."  Thankfully, he has had great teachers over the years and now is exceeding out expectations.  This new possibility truly had me worried how this year would go, setting back their education greatly, especially their love of learning if they had this teacher.

The principle quickly e-mailed me back, saying she looked up where my kids were placed and I would be very happy with their teachers.

A huge sigh of relief, and this is why I volunteer.

I like being in the school, feeling the pulse of the school, the teachers and even how my child truly
behaves when not at home.  I like helping out for events and am in school councils as not only do I know what is going on, but then the principle and teachers know me.

I truly believe in being an advocate for my child.  Now, don't get me wrong, I will be the first to call my children out if they are doing something wrong, not trying hard, or being disrespectful.  I don't want them to be spoon fed anything.  I don't want them to take things in life for granted.  I want them to understand the value of hard work, the value of kindness and charity, and that sometimes life is truly hard.  But that will not stop me from helping ensure that they are getting the best opportunities that they can, the best match for who they are.

In this world of instant gratification it is a delicate balance of providing for your kids and teaching them the importance of hard work.  Teaching them to truly appreciate those who help them, provide for them and those they interact with on a daily basis.  I am far from a perfect parent, but I try.

I will always fight for my kids; I will always teach them hard work and kindness; I will always hold my kids responsible for their actions and behavior and most importantly I will always love them and never give up on them.  I am a mother and I volunteer.