Finding Peace: My Thoughts on The Vegas Shooting

It was a roller coaster, a roller coaster of emotions.  The day began with my daughter's soccer team losing to a team we were sure we were going to beat.  You just don't always know what to expect.

Then the day was filled with bliss- pure amazing bliss, pure peace, pure hope, pure desire to be a good kind person.

You see I was listening, along with my family, to the 187th annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

There were messages about families, about marriages, about studying and reading the scriptures, about learning to trust God the path he has for you.

There were messages about kindness and charity and calling out prejudice and racism.

"We need to embrace God’s children compassionately and eliminate any prejudice, including racism, sexism, and nationalism," Elder Ballard said. "Let it be said that we truly believe — and truly live — the words of the Book of Mormon prophet Nephi: '(The Lord) inviteth ... all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female ... and all are alike unto God.'"

"Anyone who claims superiority under the Father’s plan because of characteristics like race, sex, nationality, language, or economic circumstances," said Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve, "is morally wrong and does not understand the Lord’s true purpose for all of our Father’s children."

Then Vegas happened.

I woke up Monday morning, with my husband asking if I had heard what happened in Vegas.  I quickly pulled up twitter and was heart broken by what I saw.  I truly cannot comprehend what can drive a person to such acts.  I don't understand how someone's heart can be so hard, so cold, so deranged, so evil to do such a thing.

That morning I kept the radio off, not wanting my kids to hear the news, wishing I could somehow preserve their innocence a little longer.

But we can't run from this, we can't pretend it didn't happen. Real conversations need to happen, conversations not filled with blame or excuses, but conversations that can get to the heart, find common grounds and try desperately to find a real solution.

Calling names, saying people deserved this, and even downplaying it will never fix anything.  The world is in turmoil, something needs to change.  I truly believe it begins with you and I, with those who think differently than I do, those who were raised differently than I was and those who are so similar to me, finding that common ground, openly and kindly exchanging ideas and thoughts and doing what we can to help ensure this never happens again.

I wish I knew the exact formula for this to happen.  I wish I had the answer.  I do not, but I know I will try, to be a little more kind, to be a little more willing to listen, to be a little more willing to have the hard conversations and that discuss the hard topics.  As something needs to change.

But I have peace, I have hope.  I know there is a way for good to win.

Don't give up.

My Thoughts on September 11th

Devastation... that really is a good word to describe the country right now.  Hurricanes, floods, fires, earthquakes have been plaguing this country and the world in full force these last few weeks.  That doesn't even touch on the political and social upheaval that is currently happening.  It can make you start to question and wonder and lose hope, but we cannot lose hope. This country was built on hope.

Today is the anniversary of a day I will never forget.  I found a post I wrote several years ago on the anniversary of September 11th and it is still so relevant today, so I am going to re-share this post, as my hopes and dreams for this country and this world remain the same.  

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Since I was no longer a single student staying up way too late, hanging out with my roommates or my boyfriend; I figured I could handle an early morning college class.  It was the beginning of my junior year of college; I was a newlywed of 3 months and loving life.  Eric and I were both going to school full time and working part time.  We had a little 1 bedroom apartment but felt like we were rich with our little box TV and brand new DVD player. 

I trudged into class, students were all gathered together talking.  'I heard a plane hit the Twin Towers' some of the students were saying.  We all wondered if this was true.   A few more students came into class saying the same thing.  It must be true.

There were no smart phones, no twitter, no Facebook that we could quickly turn to to confirm if this was true.  I had a cell phone, a large brick of a phone that was actually pretty advanced with a black and white game of SkipBo on it.

We all wondered what had happened.  As soon as class ended we all hurried to the nearest TV.  It was true.  Planes had hit the Twin Towers in New York City.

We were all shocked and not quite sure what to do.

I had a doctors appointment after my class and headed to that as I normally would.  The waiting room was silent, everyone's eyes glued to the TV they had brought into the waiting room.  I sat there watching the coverage, watching people run, hearing the speculations as to what could have happened, then I saw it live, the second tower collapse.  

People cried freely and held each others hands.  What happened to our country?

I will never forget that day.  I will always remember.  

I also remember what happened after; flights were canceled, security went to all new levels-- but so did something else.

The country's pride.  The number of American Flags that were flown by peoples homes.  Peoples desire to step up, help out, be a little more kind, be more united.

Those terrorists wanted to hurt us and they did but they also made us stronger.

Now 12 years later in a world of instant communication and instant gratification, too many have forgotten.  They have forgotten that his country was founded on freedom.  A freedom to work, the freedom to prosper and have the American dream because of hard work and determination.

Far too many want the American Dream for nothing; they feel entitled to have it handed to them, to be taken care of.   This is not the America I love.  This is not the America that everyone cried over that day 12 years ago.

The American Dream is not meant to be handed out like a participation trophy to everyone who plays. It's meant to be worked for, fought for, something that we desire with everything that we are.

It is our right to work, our right to try hard, our right to try and better our lives.

It is not our right, or our children's right to be given a free ride, a place to live, or even a phone.  Just because everyone has one is never a reason for anything. Things that we have should be earned because we have helped in the home (and in the world), shown that we are responsible, and have earned it.   

Sometimes life is hard and it will be and it will seem unfair; this is the time to tighten our belts, cut back and work even harder.  It is not a time to keep trying to live like the Jone's just because 'it isn't fair'.

Life is not fair.

Something needs to change and it starts with you and me.

It starts with us understanding that in life there may be times that we all will need hand-ups but never hand-outs.   This country, our children, this society needs a little tough love.  A little wake up call, a lesson in life.  As moms we know all too well that there is only so much we give before we totally lose it.  How can this country survive by just giving and giving?  It is going to lose it. 

I will not stand idly by and let that happen.  I will fight, in my own way, in my own home, in my own city and state. I will fight by educating myself and my children and by stepping up and speaking out.   I will help those in need by helping them learn how to help themselves.  I am not going to hand out free fish, I am going to teach a man to fish.  To whom much is given, much is required and I will give- but my giving will be in ways that can help change a life forever not just for a day.

This is the American Dream, this is what those terrorists tried to take away from us on that awful September day.  Don't let them win! Don't let them win through entitlement, laziness and dependency.  

I am living the American Dream because I have worked and am working to deserve it.

What I Hope For My Daughter

This has been a very violate week in the political world and social media.  With Trump now officially our new President, the Women's marches and once again so much political banter back and forth, it has made me stop and reflect what do I want for my daughter?  What do I want my daughter to know, to believe and to fight for? 

I asked on Facebook, genuinely wanting to know, what those participating in the marches thought would change?   Thankfully the Woman's March didn't seem to lead to the same destruction and chaos that came along with the protests on Inauguration Day.

But I wonder, what are they wanting the world, women, their daughters to learn and know?

I saw a picture of a young girl at the march holding a sign stating "Girls rule, Trump Drools".  What is this mother teaching her daughter?  That using childish insults and rhetoric will get results?  This isn't nearly as bad as the grown adults who on Twitter this last week took to insulting Donald Trump's 10-year-old son, asking what was wrong with him and even saying he was going to be the next home-schooled shooter.  When has it ever been okay to attack a child?

When my oldest recently came home stating that there were funny memes about Donald Trump and showed me one making fun of his hair, I did not laugh (though if I am totally honest I might have wanted to).  I told him while I did not vote for Trump and definitely have a lot of things I do not like about him, that it is never okay to make fun of someone for how they look or who they are.  I told him, I am praying for Trump, praying that he might feel the weight and responsibility of the position he now holds, feel some humility, surround himself by good people who can help him guide the country.

 This world has so much hate, so much negativity-- that is just needs to stop.

We need to stop looking for the wrong, the differences, the things we hate-- but instead find common ground we can unite on and stand up for what is right.  Tearing others down, making fun of people and calling people names-- it immediately ends any chance of having a real conversation that could bring some change and good into the world.

So what do I hope for my daughter?

I recently saw this quote and I love it:

"Our generation is becoming so busy trying to prove that women can do what men can do, that women are losing their uniqueness. Women weren't created to do everything a man can do. Women were created to do everything a man can't do." ~Author unknown

What are my hopes for her, what do I as a woman, as her mother want to teach her?

What I Hope For My Daughter 

I want her to know she is unique and special and is exactly who she is supposed to be. 

That she is here on this earth as a Daughter of God destined for so much greatness. But that greatness doesn't come from fame and fortune, but from humility, from kindness, from working hard every day never feeling like you are owed something just because. 

I want her to know there will be people in life who inspire, encourage and will help you grow, and there are those who will do just the opposite. There will be people and issues in life that you do not agree with-- but fighting and belittling won't change a thing. Boldly and bravely standing up with kindness, goodness and as a light of beacon and hope-- showing others by your kindness and goodness that there is a better way-- that is the strongest message you can share. 

Remember you are destined for greatness with a Father in Heaven who has so much in store for you - just let Him guide your life. 

We are not meant to go through this life alone, first with God by our side and someday a spouse who you should work side by side, be a helpmeet to each other. Not the same-- just together and united, each of you trying to put the others needs first. This will lead to a loving, successful and happy marriage. 

Mostly remember that I love you. I will always love you. I will push you, encourage you and as hard as it may be will let you fail when necessary so that you learn how life truly works, learn while you are young and the consequences aren't so harsh and lasting; helping to set you up for real success in life. 

This is what I want for my daughter. 

--See the post I wrote for What I Hope for my Son

The Election Shock

I am shocked.   I honestly did not except the election to go the way it did.

I didn't vote for either of the main candidates, for the first time ever in my life I wrote in a candidate.  I feel good about who I voted for, something I don't know if I could say if I voted differently.

The media and a lot of the country was sure that Hillary was going to win.  It seemed all but inevitable.  As the results started rolling in, which thankfully here in California we didn't have to stay up until 3:00 AM to find out, I was shocked.  I didn't know if I felt relief or fear;  I wasn't sure what to think.

Now as everyone stumbles around trying to make sense of what happened, there are so many ugly words and accusations flying everywhere.

There was one person I voted for this year that I felt really good about.  It was a local politician who has shown that he has kept his word, someone that is supported by every local mayor both Republican and Democrat alike, imagine that- someone who knows how to get along and work with everyone!

Sadly he barely won, though it is so close they haven't officially called it yet, as he does not fit the mold that California's government wants, he isn't a puppet to their ideals and plans, in a state that create propositions for making it a law to make p*rn stars wear condoms on the ballet, I am not kidding.

I can't imagine being a politician in today's world.  The media, the people always flinging insults and waiting for your to cross your eyes funny.  It is hard enough just supporting a political person the way people treat each other if they don't think you are voting for the "right" person.  I cannot even imagine what it would be like to be that person.

What can I do, what do I plan to do?

Well first, I am going to pray.. a lot.  I am going to pray that those elected will be humble enough to realize they don't know everything, that they need input from others, from people who think and don't think like they do.  Pray that they wake up and address the real issues, the real problems; not if plastic bags should be banned from grocery stores.  What is going to make this country good again?

It is every day people, stopping the insults, stop insisting that they are always right no matter what; willing to get out and talk with people who think differently than they do and find a common ground. People willing to maybe get a little offended but not insist on a safe space or 'political correctness'.  People who realize the country cannot operate on moral relativism and whatever makes you feel good; but it needs definitive right and wrongs.  It needs jobs and hard work and education to be valued and rewarded.  This is what our country needs.

It begins with me and you.  Me taking the time to smile and say hi in the store, me slowing down and letting you switch lanes in front of me, me and you just being kind good humans who are trying to add to this world and not just take.

This is what it needs and this is what I am going to do.

Election Day

It's election day.. in so many ways I will be so glad when this day is over.  For the first time in my years of voting I could not be more dismayed and baffled with the choices before us.  I love this country, I love what it stands for, I love what it was founded on... but that just all seem to be falling apart.

We cannot forget why this county began, we cannot forget what the founding fathers hoped for and envisioned and knew was necessary to make our country work.

I am not happy with the choices and who we have to vote for- but I am voting.  I have read and researched and am trying to make what I think is the best informed decision as I truly believe it is through indifference and people not really taking the time to learn and make informed decisions that we got to the point that we did today.

In California this year there is what feels like a million propositions on our ballet.  Everything from money to schools to voting if p*rn stars should be required to wear a condom in their productions.  No joke.

What drives me crazy is the way they slip things in to propositions making things that seem like they could be good, but then sneaking in their own little agenda or twist.

This is the first year I put a political sign in my yard, no not for one of the presidential candidates, but for a local representative who I have watched keep his promises and who has support from every mayor in our area both democratic and republican alike.  That is the kind of politician we need, someone who keeps the word, someone who has shown he can work with both sides.  Sadly ones like this are few and far between.

Today if you have not yet voted, get out and vote- but don't just vote to vote, learn, research and heck pray for how you should vote.  This country needs it.

Why The Post Office Shouldn't Run Things

Last Thursday sometime in the afternoon, this happened.

Not really sure how it happened, maybe the wind, maybe someone hit it with their car?  But there our neighborhood mailbox lay.

All of the neighbors were able to fish their already delivered mail out of the sideways mailbox.

Friday came, and this time the mailman didn't come, Saturday came and went.. finally come Tuesday it was apparent that not only was the neighborhood mailbox still broken, but no mail was being delivered until it was fixed.

Last Friday, I jumped on the the Post office's website and found a number to call, it ended up directing me to a number for our local branch.  I called, it rang.. and rang.. and rang, only to eventually disconnect me. I found an e-mail address and sent an e-mail.   I did quickly get the standard, we got your e-mail and will get back to you soon.

A day or so later I got this:

"The repair order for the box repairs has been a slow process. We are waiting for the contractor to complete the work . There are several box locations that are waiting repair. Boxes had to be ordered through the district vender which takes several weeks. Your box will be repaired in the order that the new boxes arrive. I can not give you a more definitive time frame as we are at the mercy of the venders at this time."

(Hopefully the vendors can get some mailboxes quickly)

I decided it was time to find out where they were keeping the mail that was not being delivered.  I went to our local branch and was told I would have to go the main office.

Tuesday I had a little over 1 hour until kindergarten pick-up, so I drove across town, to join a very long line, that moved very slowly as there were only two workers.  Twenty-five minutes later I made it to the front of the line, only to be told I needed to be in the other line.

I join the other line which really is not moving at all.  The customer up-front is complaining about the packages that got sent back that are worth $500 each.   He is asked to stand aside and the line slowly begins to move.  Twenty minutes later there are still 5 people ahead of me, only one less then when I joined that second line, and I had to leave.

Forty-five minutes to stand in a line for nothing.

I did venture back today, now one day shy of when the mailbox fell, this time knowing right where I should go; thankfully I was the first one in this line today.  Fifteen minutes later (remember I was the first one in line) I finally got my mail, along with some of my neighbors mail that they accidentally gave me.

Oh and when I showed him my address, his response was this was the first time he had heard of this mailbox being down.

This is how the Post office (Government) run things-- just think of that, and think of the DMV.... just think about those things when you think about Health Care and voting this fall... please vote responsibly. 

Wish Me Merry Christmas

If someone came up to me in the store and said "Happy Hanukkah" I will admit I would be shocked and then do you know how I would reply, "Thank you!"

That's it, it would be simple.

Would it offend me as a Christian if someone wished me a Happy Hanukkah?  Not at all, in fact it would be nice just to have someone talk to me in a store as most people are so caught up in their own little worlds they don't even acknowledge those around them.

Image Source Here 

The other day my kids were looking at a school calendar and my son asked me why it said "Happy Holidays" instead of Merry Christmas.  I could have spouted off about how by saying Happy Holiday is inclusive and includes all people, which yes while it might be true is also a bunch of crap.  Instead I told him the truth.

Don't get me wrong, I want my kids to love all and I love that my kids are colorblind- I even wrote about it once, but I am getting so tired of having to hide one's beliefs, or feelings or opinions as it might hurt someone's feelings.  Oh and I probably should have begun this post with a warning about "Trigger words".  The fact that that is even a thing, just begins to show what is wrong with society.

It is our differences in beliefs, our differences in traditions that help us learn who we are.   When I got a knock on my door from a certain religion that loves to knock doors (other than my own of course) I stand there nicely and talk with them. In fact, as I have read some of their literature, it has made me appreciate my own faith and beliefs even more.  It does not offend me that they teach something different, believe something different; it doesn't hurt me in anyway, it strengthens me.

Life is hard.  In life we will not always be treated fairly, always treated right- I wish it wasn't that way.   But in life if we are good decent people, who work hard, who try to serve and help others and who do not expect things to be handed to us, then chances are we will have some success in life, maybe even peace and happiness.

So this Christmas season, or excuse me, 'Holiday Season', when cashiers wish me a Happy Holidays, I am not going to get all huffy or offended, I will simply say, "thank you and a Merry Christmas to you".

Why Sunday Will Always Be My Sabbath

I need a Sabbath Day.  I need the rest and reprieve. 

Life is busy.

My week is filled with school pickups, helping kids with homework, running to four different soccer practices, pick up from chorus, dropping of at Scouts and Activity days not to mention running a household and everything it entails. 

I am not complaining though, I love being able to be home with my kids, what I do miss is being home with my kids.

As my kids have gotten older and involved in more activities it feels like we are very rarely ever home. Currently during the school week Thursday is the only night of the week that we are all home at a normal dinner time.  

Those Thursday's when we finally can have a normal dinner as a family, we cherish those times.  I even actually cook a real meal.

Even our Saturday's are filled with soccer and errands and occasional parties or events, but one day will always be our Sabbath.

One day a week will always be our chance to slow down, reflect and enjoy our time as a family.

Yes, even some Sunday's are busy with three hours of church and meetings in the areas we are serving in, but what my Sabbath will never be filled with is a list of errands to run, kids sporting events or hours of televised football.

Once upon a time things closed down on Sunday, all the shops, all the stores.  Now it is just another day, another day to get things done, run places and get in one more soccer game for the team.  

When will the world realize it is enough?  It is too much.  Even if your aren't religious, we need a break.  A time to reconnect as a family.  Studies after studies have shown the benefit of strong families, yet everything society is pushing for and throwing at is pulling families apart.  Pressure to work longer and longer work hours, pressure to have kids in so many activities, pressure to alway be going, always entertaining, always moving at a fast pace right along with the technology. 

We need a time to just be, a time for rest.  Life is busy, even almost frenzied at time.

The Sabbath day was given to us as a day of rest and let's embrace it.  Talk to your kids coaches, talk to your boss, talk to your friends and neighbors and let's make a push, a societal push to get a day of rest back.  A day that can heal and prepare us for the week ahead.  A day we can strengthen our families.  We can all work to make this change.  We need it.  Let's make it the Best Day! 

Sunday will always be my Sabbath. 

Celebrating Our Country

I stare at the blinking cursor, wondering what to write.  I begin many different posts then delete what I have begun.   I am just unsure what to say.

These last couple of weeks have been monumental, they have made me stop and reflect.

They have made me grateful for our county and the rights and freedoms we have and also terrified as I fear for the direction we are heading.

I try my best to love all, to be kind. I truly do believe that we all children of a loving Heavenly Father and because of there is a plan.  There are absolute right and wrongs, there is something so much more we should all be striving for.

I know everyone does not believe as I do and I don't expect everyone too, I just hope that I will always feel free and safe to live and express my beliefs and things I know to be true.

So as I celebrate the fourth of July this weekend, it will mean a little more, I will think of it all little longer, our country is worth fighting for.

Oh, thus be it ever, when free men shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation!
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust!"

(The third verse to our nation's anthem)

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Linking with Shell's PYHO

What The Easy A Professor Taught Me

I've always liked getting good grades.  From a young age the importance of working hard and trying your best was instilled into my brain.  I wasn't a straight A student every year, but I was in honors classes and always made the honor roll.  In college, I got off to a bit of a rough start, but after I got married after my sophomore year, I rounded out my college career with all 4.0's.

During the course of college, I one had that 'one professor', the one that is known as being easy, the easy A. As a psychology major the material came naturally to me and seemed intuitive, but I learned there is a difference between understanding the material and knowing it well enough for a test. So,  I began to diligently study.  I would read through the material and then write a list of questions, sometimes as many as 80-100 questions; I would then make my new husband quiz me on these questions over and over again.

In this class, after our first test I was happy to see I left the testing center with an A.  My hard work had paid off.  The next day I went back to class, proud of my grade and wondering how everyone else did.  Our professor had our tests and we spent class time going over the tests.  Students would ask about a question saying they didn't understand it or thought some other answer made sense too and he would agree and give everyone that also picked that answer credit.

At first, it seemed pretty awesome as who doesn't want a free questions. Quickly more hands shot up.  It soon became apparent that you could pretty much sneeze at a problem and he would give you credit for it.

Then I was mad.

I had gotten that question correct, I had taken the time to study and really learn the material, and now everyone was now getting the same grade as me.  This pattern continued for every test.  This had a strange affect on me, rather than making be grateful for one easy class, it made me stop caring.  What was the point to study?  Why try hard?  All I had to do was go argue the problem and he would give me credit.  There was no longer any incentive to try.

Thankfully my university did not believe in this principle that this professor was inadvertently teaching either, he wasn't a professor much longer.

When people are given free hand-outs, hand-outs instead of hand-ups, what incentive do they have to try?  What do they have to work for?  Nothing.  They will become disheartened, depressed, and have nothing to work for.  Why take the time to work when all you have to do is complain and you will get a handout.

I am not oblivious to the real needs, to the innocent victims of life and it's circumstances.  I spent years after graduating college working and protecting children who suffered from things almost unimaginable.  I saw first hand when the system failed to protect and provide for those who truly needed it.  I also saw time and time again how the system actually rewarded those for doing nothing.

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day- teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.  It is time to stop handing out free fish.

So what did that easy-A professor teach me?  He taught me that if you want people to truly succeed, to truly make something of their lives, then they have to work for it, otherwise they will just give up.

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Linking with Shell's PYHO

Apple, U2 and 9-11

Yesterday while watching the announcement about the new iPhone, it was exciting to see U2 perform.  It was made even sweeter when their new album was free to download that day in honor of the announcement.  It made me think back many years ago, it was my birthday.  Eric told me he had a surprise for me but we had to hurry.  He made me close my eyes, took me out the car than drove somewhere.

I had no idea where we were going as I was being a good girl and not peeking.  We parked and he had me hop on his back and carried me for what seemed like a very long way.  After I bit I could tell by the light and sound that we had entered a building.  We went down some stairs and he sat me down in a chair and told me I could open my eyes.

We were in a computer lab on BYU's campus where we were both students at the time.  I wondered what in the world we were doing there.  He told me that my birthday present was tickets to the U2 concert but we had to hurry and buy them from someone online.  I was ecstatic!

As I thought back to this memory, I couldn't help but laugh at how much things have changed.  We had a computer in our apartment but didn't have Internet, buying things on-line was really a pretty new thing.

In some ways things were a lot more simple, it was just Eric and I in our little one bedroom apartment.

The same apartment that just a month before I sat glued to the couch, unable to take my eyes off the news that kept replaying the Twin Towers collapsing.  It was unimaginable, unthinkable.  How did this happen? Why did this happen?

There was no twitter, no Facebook, not really even many new sites on-line.... so there I sat, starring at the T.V.  Nothing new was really being said, just a lot of the same speculations over and over, yet I couldn't turn it off.  I couldn't believe what had happened.

I will never forget that day.   As the world changes, as technology advances at blinding speed, some things should never change.

The American pride and honor and our willingness to fight and defend our country should never change.  As our country seems to be changing, even changing into something that is forgetting what this country was founded on- we cannot forget.  We cannot forget this day, how it made us feel, how it united us, how it helped us remember everything good that this country stands for.  And we need to fight, fight with our vote, fight with our voice, fight by teaching our children to work hard and be self sufficient not relying on the the government or handouts.

We cannot forget.

My Kids Are Color Blind

My kids are colorblind, as is my husband-litterally.  He is red-green colorblind.  If he saw an apple tree from far away the apples would just disappear and blend into the tree, looking just like a regular tree.  My kids are a different kind of color blind.

I grew up in a small town that was very dominantly one race, and then went to college in a state that was even more so.  I think I didn't really think anything of it, it was just how it was.

We have now lived in Southern California for almost six years.

My kids are on their third week of school.  Alex came home telling me all about her friend Kennedy and how she wanted to have Kennedy come over.  Everyday I would hear about what they played at recess.  I wrote down our number so Alex could take it to her friend.  This week we got a call from Kennedy she wanted to talk with Alex and even talked with me for a bit, she is not a shy girl at all.  I  talked with her mom and we talked about dates for possible playdates.  When I asked Alex what Kennedy was like, she told me how fun she was, the things they had in common, the things they like to play and that was it.  Kennedy is black and Alex never once brought this up.  The only reason I know is because I help out in Alex's classroom and was able to figure out who she was.

Lucas' best friend is Hispanic; he has come over many times now and Lucas has gone to his home for many hours of Minecraft playing.

And I love it.

I love that my kids are growing up in a place where there is so much diversity that it doesn't seem diverse.  It is normal to them.  All they care about is if they have common interests and like to play the same sort of games.

In the scriptures it says we are to become like little children- this is what is is talking about.  Their innocence, their ability to so easily forgive, their ability to see past all of the false pretenses and prejudices of the world and just see someone for who they are.

My kids are colorblind and I couldn't be more proud.

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Linking up with Shell's PYHO

Money and God

Today would usually be Friday 5, but I am taking the week of in lieu of the holiday.  This is a repost from an post 3 years ago that I wrote on the 4th of July, and would love to share it again today.  Happy 4th of July everyone!

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Money and God

The following conversation happened earlier this year- but in lieu of our nations birthday today- I decided this was a perfect time to post it.

Lucas was looking at some dollar bills

Lucas-reading: "in God we trust"..."Why does it say that?"

I then took the time to talk with him about how our country was founded. I told him that many who came to this country came as they wanted religious freedom. They believed in God and wanted to be able to worship Him as they deemed right. The founding fathers were grateful for this country and grateful for God's hand in preserving this nation.

I ended my explanation by telling him that some people no longer believe in God.

Lucas: "What, why don't they believe in God? If I didn't believe in God and saw this on the dollar bill then I would believe."

Oh, thus be it ever, when free men shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation!
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust!"

The third verse to our nation's anthem

Happy 4th of July!

I remember why this nation was formed.

If My Daughter Were President

I think I failed her...  somewhere along the way some lesson must not have been taught, some basic fundamentals totally lost.  Maybe the schools got to her, as this is what my daughter would do if she was president.

As it may be hard to read- here it is, misspellings and all.

"If I were the president of the United States everyone could have a manchin (mansion) for 1 dolere (dollar) and a small cadin (cabin) for 100 doles (dollars).  Everyone could have a theme park in there bak yard.  In the theme park there is lots of rollur coasters.  You can eat ice-cream all day with out getting sick.   Everyone would ride in hellucopters that are fancy insted of cars.  Everyone would have majikll (magical) papers so when you tok (talk) and you want to rite (write) it then it will show up.  As you can see, I want to be the president."

Oh my poor daughter, I have failed you. Do you not know your father was once an Economics major.  Have we not taught you the value of the dollar and hard work?   Have we not taught you that you can't just give to all freely for no work in return.  My daughter, I am sorry, I have failed you, for it seems you have become a socialist democrat.


** Disclaimer:  I do not believe or am claiming all democrats are socialists.  This post was written in fun and jest.  I am a former Social Worker who worked for the state and saw the good and the need for programs to help and assist people.  I also saw these systems abused.  I greatly believe in helping, serving and doing going- but I believe in helping a man learn to fish rather than just handing out the fish.

Kids Do What You Expect

Recently a friend of mine told how she was going to start giving her teenage son a monthly budget.  He would be given a certain amount of money at the beginning of the month and that money would be all he would get for extra things.  If he blew all his money in the first week, then that would mean he might miss out on something later that month.  She was still going to be providing clothes and other basic necessities for him, it was the extra things his money would be used for.

Some of the people that commented on her post were critical of her plan, saying that is too much for a teenager.

It is too much for a teenager to learn how to budget?  It is too much for a teenager to learn some responsibility in life and the fact that actions do have consequences?

Too many people feel entitled to things in this country, a nice car, a nice home, a phone.... they go through life expecting to be able to get these things whenever they want.

Growing up my parents saved for everything.  They would save until they could buy a car with cash, then they would fix and repair that car over and over again until they finally had to buy another.  I remember when we needed to get a new refrigerator; I went along thinking it would be fun to pick out a new fridge.  Six stores later, as my dad had to check out all the stores to make sure he was getting the best price and I regretted my decision.

When my father was unemployed for several months, my family was still okay.  They had saved for a rainy day, not only monetarily but with a food storage.  My dad was doing everything he could to find another job, even taking the training to become a school bus driver just so that he could provide for our family.   He was a college graduate with a degree in Mechanical Engineering; a profession he had worked in for over 25 years, when he was forced to take early retirement due to the company having to downsize after a lot of illegal activity from the higher-ups, sort of Enron experience.  But he was going to do whatever it took.

Thankfully he got an engineering job right before it was time to start as a bus driver, as with his temperament that would have been the absolute worst job for him, but he was willing to do whatever it took to provide for our family.

He taught us to be responsible, to help and to give, but most importantly to always work hard.

To my friend who is trying to help her son learn lessons about real life, who is willing to stand by and watch her son maybe miss out on a few things so that he can learn, I applaud you.  Kids are capable of what we expect of them.  If we protect them, hand them all a trophy and say everyone is a winner then they will expect to always win, to always finish first, and when real life catches up with them it is going to be a huge slap in the face.

Kids can do hard things and so can parents.  Parents can do hard things by stepping back and letting them learn, letting them stumble but always with open arms knowing that we will love them no matter what.



Let's stop the coddling, stop the entitlement, stop their beliefs that everything will be handed to them, before it is too late.

Expect your kids to be great because they can do hard things.

Why We Should Let Our Kids Fail

I am going to let my children fail.   I don't want them to fail; I want them to be successful and happy and even safe but if, or I should say when, the time comes I will let them fail.
In a society of participation trophies where everyone is a winner too many parents are killing their children with self-esteem and making sure no one feels left out.  Now don't get me wrong, I very much believe kids should feel successful and take pride in their accomplishments, but in their accomplishments that they worked hard for, not because they just showed up.

Recently in Utah, high school football coach Matt Labrum got wind of some cyber bullying happening from members of his football team, he also heard of kids skipping class, failing grades and being disrespectful to teachers so what did he do?   He suspended the entire team.

Matt Labrum with his team- picture from here. 

Now you can imagine the outcry that this caused from the parents who thought it wasn't fair, the school who wondered what would happen to their football season.... oh wait this didn't happen.  In fact the exact opposite happened.  The community, the school, and even the parents supported the coach in his decision.  He made the players do community service, and earn their way back onto the team.

Let's contrast this to what happened recently in New York.  On Labor Day weekend over 300 high school aged kids broke into the empty second home of former NFL lineman Brian Holloway.  They threw an enormous beer-filled party where they vandalized the home, even peeing on the floor and causing over $20,000 in damages.  During the party many of these kids tweeted and shared pictures of what was happening at the party, incriminating themselves.

Holloway, a father himself, rather than press charges started a website where he started posting the pictures that the teens themselves had already shared and asked for all of these kids to come back to his home and help repair the damages.  Sounds more than reasonable and even pretty lucky he didn't press charges, right?   Well not only did NONE of the kids show up to fix their damages but the parents are suing Holloway for putting the pictures on a website and hurting their kids reputations.  Some of the news organizations then even tried to turn it on Holloway pointing out that this is his second home that he is about to lose to foreclosure and it was already damaged, so he was just trying to get some money.

The difference in these two stories are astounding.  I don't think any of us doubt which kids are going to learn a lesson, which kids are going to think twice before they act.

Sometimes no matter how hard we try, how many lessons we try and teach, kids are going to mess up.  What distinguishes a good parent from a bad parent is what they do when their kids mess up.  Do they protect them and try and blame it on someone else?  Or do they say yes you messed up and now you are dealing with the consequences.

I am going to let my kids fail, I am going to let them fail now while they are young and while the consequences really aren't too serious or long lasting.  I am going to let them learn what this feels like, learn that there are consequences, learn that they will be held responsible for their actions so that someday when they are out in the real world, when their actions matter even more they will know. They will know that they need to work hard, be honest and kind, and that they are responsible for what they do.

I am going to let my kids fail.

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Linking up with Shell

Still Remembering For My Country

Since I was no longer a single student staying up way too late, hanging out with my roommates or my boyfriend; I figured I could handle an early morning college class.  It was the beginning of my junior year of college; I was a newlywed of 3 months and loving life.  Eric and I were both going to school full time and working part time.  We had a little 1 bedroom apartment but felt like we were rich with our little box TV and brand new DVD player.

I trudged into class, students were all gathered together talking.  'I heard a plane hit the Twin Towers' some of the students were saying.  We all wondered if this was true.   A few more students came into class saying the same thing.  It must be true.

There were no smart phones, no twitter, no Facebook that we could quickly turn to to confirm if this was true.  I had a cell phone, a large brick of a phone that was actually pretty advanced with a black and white game of SkipBo on it.

We all wondered what had happened.  As soon as class ended we all hurried to the nearest TV.  It was true.  Planes had hit the Twin Towers in New York City.

We were all shocked and not quite sure what to do.

I had a doctors appointment after my class and headed to that as I normally would.  The waiting room was silent, everyone's eyes glued to the TV they had brought into the waiting room.  I sat there watching the coverage, watching people run, hearing the speculations as to what could have happened, then I saw it live, the second tower collapse.  

People cried freely and held each others hands.  What happened to our country?

I will never forget that day.  I will always remember.  

I also remember what happened after; flights were canceled, security went to all new levels-- but so did something else.

The country's pride.  The number of American Flags that were flown by peoples homes.  Peoples desire to step up, help out, be a little more kind, be more united.

Those terrorists wanted to hurt us and they did but they also made us stronger.

Now 12 years later in a world of instant communication and instant gratification, too many have forgotten.  They have forgotten that his country was founded on freedom.  A freedom to work, the freedom to prosper and have the American dream because of hard work and determination.

Far too many want the American Dream for nothing; they feel entitled to have it handed to them, to be taken care of.   This is not the America I love.  This is not the America that everyone cried over that day 12 years ago.

The American Dream is not meant to be handed out like a participation trophy to everyone who plays. It's meant to be worked for, fought for, something that we desire with everything that we are.

It is our right to work, our right to try hard, our right to try and better our lives.

It is not our right, or our children's right to be given a free ride, a place to live, or even a phone.  Just because everyone has one is never a reason for anything. Things that we have should be earned because we have helped in the home (and in the world), shown that we are responsible, and have earned it.   

Sometimes life is hard and it will be and it will seem unfair; this is the time to tighten our belts, cut back and work even harder.  It is not a time to keep trying to live like the Jone's just because 'it isn't fair'.

Life is not fair.

Something needs to change and it starts with you and me.

It starts with us understanding that in life there may be times that we all will need hand-ups but never hand-outs.   This country, our children, this society needs a little tough love.  A little wake up call, a lesson in life.  As moms we know all too well that there is only so much we give before we totally lose it.  How can this country survive by just giving and giving?  It is going to lose it. 

I will not stand idly by and let that happen.  I will fight, in my own way, in my own home, in my own city and state. I will fight by educating myself and my children and by stepping up and speaking out.   I will help those in need by helping them learn how to help themselves.  I am not going to hand out free fish, I am going to teach a man to fish.  To whom much is given, much is required and I will give- but my giving will be in ways that can help change a life forever not just for a day.

This is the American Dream, this is what those terrorists tried to take away from us on that awful September day.  Don't let them win! Don't let them win through entitlement, laziness and dependency.  

I am living the American Dream because I have worked and am working to deserve it.

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Linking up with Shell's Pour Your Heart Out

Morals and the Morning After Pill

Us humans are pretty powerful creatures.  We have the power to create, the power and ability to make choices that can change everything.   Our words and actions can help build up someone to do good and be successful or that power can be used for just the opposite, for pain, to hurt or even to take a life.

If I were to ask you what is the worst crime that someone can commit; I think the most common answers would be murder.

For me there is no doubt it is murder.  That power that someone yields in taking away someone else's life, something that can never be fixed or undone, is truly the worst thing they can do.

On the flip side, if murder is the greatest most evil use of someone's power, what would be the best greatest use of their power?  The answer: bringing or creating life.

Last week, rather quietly, the law was changed which will now allow the morning after pill to be bought right off the shelf and all you have to have is an ID proving you are 15-years-old to buy it.

Fifteen-years-old.

No parental consent needed, no need to contact the parents.  If you are 15 and have an ID you can walk right in and buy it.   Though many don't think that is enough and want to abolish ANY age restriction.

I remember myself as a 15-year-old.  I had a boyfriend who I was "in love" with.  At times I probably even thought we would get married someday.   I was so young and immature.  Too immature to realize all of the unhealthy aspects of our relationship.   Too immature to realize how in just a few shorts years I would be a completely different person one who would not be happy with this person.

Oh, I thought I was big at 15.  I thought I was mature enough to know better than my parents.  I thought I was happy, I thought I was on top of the world.

It was a lie.

Now I think of 15-year-olds being able to walk in and say, hey made a mistake, no big deal I can take care of it with no one ever knowing....

Fifteen-year-olds who we don't allow to drive, don't allow to vote or serve in the military are now old enough and mature enough to make this decision without anyone else ever knowing?   No need to tell their parents, as heaven forbid we actually make and let parents do their job and actually parent and raise their children.

'You are naive, kids are going to have sex.  It is better than another teen pregnancy'-- I can hear the comments now. I am not naive; I know that teenagers have sex, I know teen pregnancy is a problem.  I know some will have abortions, some will keep the baby and love it, and some will keep the baby only to lose it to the state as they cannot care for it.  I have seen all sides of this issue.

The decision to allow this upsets me the most because what it implies and indicates of the moral fabric of our society.

If it feels good do it, if it makes you happy it is good, it is your life, your body- do what you want; oh and don't worry we have a way to make sure there are no consequences for your actions.  Yet, in the same breath people claiming that it is my body my choice will say things like "it takes a village to raise a child".  Doesn't anyone see the complete irony in this?  It is my choice, I get to do what I want but society needs to help me and take care of me.

It cannot be both ways.

Society cannot be based on the grounds of 'do what feels good, do what you want', as that is slippery slope with no where to land!

Society no longer seems to have a moral ground.  Nothing solid to fall back on.  No foundation.   A building without a foundation cannot stand, cannot survive; even a building with a weak foundation will not survive a disaster.

'Your morals are old fashioned, so out of date!' critics may say.

So what!  What if they are?  At least I have a foundation and principles.  Principles of working hard, principles of being responsible for my actions and knowing once I make a choice and commit an action, I don't then get to choose the consequences.  My choice comes with the first action; after that I don't get to decide and change natural consequences.

Where is society's foundation?  The more things are pushed and the more things that are accepted because it feels good, because it is "my choice", because it 'makes me happy' then there is soon no foundation at all.   There will be nothing to keep it all together.

It will collapse.

This new law might seem like a little thing, the media barely took time to mention it, but so does every little change.. just one more little slip, one more crack, one more cornerstone taken away- until one day everyone will wake up and realize there is nothing.

I don't want to fall.   I will speak up and do my part to raise red flags and say yes there is an absolute truth and it is the only thing that will keep us safe.   Yes I am free to make choices but I am not free from the consequences.  

Now to any whom this post may have offended,  I am sorry.  My intent was not to offend or call out any one person.  I am so far from perfect.  I fail and try again and fail and try again.   My intent is to send out a wakeup call; to say enough is enough.  We cannot keep pushing the line.  We cannot keep saying it is okay.  A line needs to be drawn, a foundation needs to be built, strengthened and lived by.  Not just any foundation either. Current trends, fads or cultures are not strong enough; it has to be more. It has to be eternal.

It is the only way.

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Linking up with Shell for 

Hope for Newtown

Last Friday I sat at my computer happily reading through the Review Extravaganza recaps occasionally checking twitter and FB when I saw Connie of the Young and Relentless' status about Newtown.   I immediately went to Twitter to find out what was going on.

I was shocked.   I was horrified.   I was in tears- sobbing for the rest of the morning as I watched the live coverage.  I couldn't turn it off and I couldn't stop crying.  Alex-my kindergartner was on her way home so I shut everything down, managed to compose myself and hugged her extra tight; grateful for the reason to shut it all off.

Before I turned it off I saw something disturbing starting to begin.  Before the names of the victims were even known, heck before the media was even broadcasting the correct name of the killer- there were cries for more gun control/less gun control, for better mental health services, fingers being pointed at who to blame.

All I could think it's too soon.   Let these people grieve-give us a chance to begin to figure out what actually happened before you begin spouting your political beliefs whatever they may be.

Now as we begin to step back and try and find reason in the unreasonable, try and find light in the darkness what can we do?  Could we discuss gun control?  Could we discuss mental health care?  Could we discuss video game violence and violence on TV?  Could we discuss how the media makes the perpetrator an instant celebrity as their name will forever be known.

Yes- but these are all just bandaids for a broken bone.

If we really want to find change, and peace and goodness; if we really want to fix societies problems, we need to look much deeper.   When is the last time you prayed?  I guarantee that many more prayed on Friday- many prayed who probably haven't prayed in a long time.

Why is that?  Why is it that so many turn to prayer in moments like this?  Is it because when we are our most vulnerable, our times of greatest despair, the most humble, that we begin to remember that truth and that rock that is at the foundation of it all?  We remember that there is so much more.

Are tougher gun control laws going to make this day go away?  Are more mental health services going to catch and help every sick person out there?  Or is it something so much more.

That light shines in each of us; for some it radiates so strongly and for some it is nearly black.  But there is that light, that truth that good.  We need to search for it, to expand it and most importantly to share it by serving and loving those around us.

But that is not enough.  In a world of moral relativism where everyone is a winner and things are okay as long as people are happy; it isn't enough.

If you just believe in trying to be a nice person for the sake of being nice-- than how do you stand up and teach right and wrong and take a stand when things are starting to slip into gray areas?   How do you overcome that inherently selfish human persona when just being nice isn't enough?

You have faith.  You have morals.  You have truth and principles that have been around since before the earth was created to build yourself and who you truly are.

That is the only way not to crumble.

That is the only way not to give in to the despair and hopelessness.  If you can't see the light it would be easy to give in, to just role with whatever tides society is choosing to ride at that time-- only to find you are so far from shore you have no way to make it back.

I choose faith.  I choose love and goodness.  I choose hope with the knowledge of the greater plan that there is for all of us- even if you may not believe as I do.   I vow to pray even more earnestly, to smile even more, to find those around me that need help and then not just walk away but help!

I vow to share the knowledge of my Father in Heaven's existence and know that without the sacrifice of His Son that none of us could make it back.   And most importantly that there is something to get back to; something worth fighting for.

I am going to let my light shine- for light can always overcome darkness.

And that my friends, is the hope for Newtown and for all of us.

Here is an link to an inspiring video of an interview with one of the victim's father's which echo's my words.

Linking up today with Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn for Talk to Us Tuesday





And tomorrow with Shell's Pour Your Heart Out

Freedom Of Choice

It's not fair; why can't I have dessert? 

- Because you didn't eat you dinner.

It's not fair; why do I have to have so much homework?

-  Because it is part of your responsibility with school.

It's not fair; why do I have to go to bed now? 

-So you won't be too tired.

It's not fair; why do I have to clean my room?

- Because it is your room and you messed it up

It's not fair....

I believe in freedom of choice- not freedom from responsibility- "fair" or not. 

Linking up with Shell's PYHO